rant · moment 9 of 27
Pizza Hut, Taco Bell, and Boomer Neglect
from 157 - Cancel Your Family · #157
6 min
Tim recounts a solo dinner at a Taco Bell/Pizza Hut combo, riffing on fast food nostalgia and how his neglectful boomer parents fed him junk food while ignoring him as a kid.
- Tim was a devotee of Pizza Hut supreme and sausage made from water-stirred meat bits, but they don't have that anymore.
- Taco Bell is actually very healthy fast food, especially when contrasted with warm gooey pizza and marinara sauce.
- Boomers on Long Island didn't cook dinner—Tim's father stayed in a spare room strumming his guitar while his mother took pills and taught swimming.
- Tim became a gay cocaine addict because of the way his boomer parents reared him as a child.
- His advice for boomers: lock them up, throw them in the ice caps, let in ms-13 instead, and light them on fire when they retire.
- At Taco Bell, a morbidly obese woman with purple hair was complaining about getting sour cream on her burrito when she'd requested none.
- The vegan customer claimed she'd been vegan for almost a year and the sour cream ruined her life because she didn't realize it was in the burrito.
- Tim pointed out that you can taste sour cream on the first bite of a seven-layer burrito—it's the cooling sensation that makes it distinct.
- Long Island is so full of viral garbage people that if you point a camera in any direction and wait ten minutes, you'll catch something out of Lord of the Rings going crazy.
- Tim ordered two supreme pizzas, a chicken quesadilla, and a Baja chicken shake at Taco Bell.