rant · moment 19 of 20
What If I Was Jesus Christ in This Restaurant?
from 155 - Death By Chocolate · #155
6 min
Tim imagines Christ demanding the reserved booth at the West Hollywood diner, mocks the clientele as coked-out poseurs, and details getting three plates dumped on him at once while banned from eating inside.
- Tim orders a quesadilla and open-faced turkey sandwich that arrive simultaneously, forcing him to double-fist guacamole and gravy on the sidewalk at 9:30 AM.
- Everyone in LA is cool but only for respect; Tim just wants the kids' respect, and the food at this restaurant is inexplicably bad.
- The restaurant is full of old West Hollywood types—freckled guys whose brains have melted from 1994, sitting with their dumb dogs and tourists who think it's famous.
- Tim asks the waitress to bring the quesadilla first, but she ignores him and delivers both plates plus a basket of fries, making him look like a pig at the feast.
- When Tim complains about the order sequence, the waitress asks "what do you mean oh?"—as if an appetizer isn't supposed to come before the main course.
- Tim sacrifices by saying it's fine, then sits outside alone eating a Thanksgiving dinner of quesadilla, guacamole, gravy, and french fries.
- Tim doesn't know if he's banned from the restaurant, but he knows he's not welcome there.
- Tim considers calling the health department, ordering food for pickup and never collecting it once a day for the rest of his life using burner cards and phones.
- Tim wonders if he should have them cater a white pride event, or organize a neo-Nazi cell and have them unknowingly do the catering without knowing what it is.
Hollywood dinerWest Hollywood