rant · moment 14 of 17
Hooking Up With a College Kid While Grandma Was Home
from 147 - Love Tim (with Kevin Tienken) · #147
5 min
Tim tells an extended personal story about hooking up with a 19-year-old while living with his religious grandmother, and having to sneak the kid out past his grandmother and her fire-and-brimstone friend Cheryl.
- A 19-year-old college kid comes over in basketball shorts that show everything, looking young enough to seem like a Netflix crime documentary.
- Tim makes him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, then they go to the bedroom.
- Grandmother and Cheryl walk in unloading groceries while the naked kid is watching Game of Thrones on the bed.
- Tim introduces the kid as a friend, but his grandmother doesn't believe he has any friends—just a 28-year-old failed comedian working on a tour bus.
- Cheryl's face shows she knows what happened but doesn't want to acknowledge it.
- Tim has to call the kid a cab before Uber existed, then put him in it while the entire neighborhood watches him escort out the visibly younger guy.
- This awkward scenario is what Love, Simon should actually be about—fucking a 19-year-old in your grandmother's bungalow while her religious friend unloads groceries.
- Tim didn't like the beach handjob scene in Moonlight because there would be sand on the guy's hand.
- Everyone's been on anti-anxiety and depression pills since age four, so now nobody can get hard and they're just soft zombies to deal with.
- Tim ends up making out with a good-looking kid who can't get hard the whole time, which isn't great.
MoonlightLove SimonGame of Thrones