rant · moment 5 of 11
Bavarian Castle Christmas Fantasy and Quitting Family Holidays
from Bavarian Cream Pie · #127
Audio-only archive episode — no video to seek.
11 minRay declares he's done doing holidays with his family and wants to spend next Christmas in a Bavarian castle, spiraling into an elaborate, absurd sexual fantasy involving a long-lost brother, while Tim needles him about family obligation, the Obamas inviting him, and travel logistics.
- 15:41Education fails to prepare people for anything because it's just generic bullshit and clichés
- 16:44Tim stopped doing homework in sixth grade despite being smart enough to pass everything
- 17:11Schools romanticize writing jobs while demonizing blue-collar union work like carpentry and plumbing that are actually more stable
- 18:00Tim's morgue job paid premium rates because he dealt with the dead and had to clean shit out of corpses
- 18:48Tim announces he's done with Christmas and his family—next year he's spending it in a Bavarian castle instead
- 19:18One family is moving out of state, and going to another state for a holiday doesn't make sense
- 21:47Life is about being happy, not watching his aunt drool and Viking out while his family steals from his coat
- 22:28Barack and Michelle Obama invited him to Christmas and he turned them down to do one more year with his family
- 24:24Tim's family stopped loving him years ago—they talk once a year just to make sure he hasn't killed anyone
- 25:44Even if you're fucking your family, they still don't love you—they're just in it for the fuck