Episode 115 · The GaS Digital / Ray Kump Era
Happy Wife Happy Life
Sep 27, 2018 · 1:00:39 · 14 segments, 115 moments indexed
- 2 min
Cold Open: Toronto Crowd Roast and Moses Storm Intro
#Tim Dillon and Moses Storm take the stage in Toronto, riffing on the crowd size, the healthiness of Canadians, and joking about the venue being a cult gathering.
3moments
- 0:49Moses Storm introduces himself and acknowledges the Toronto crowd showed up early.
- 1:09Tim describes a comic arriving to find an unexpectedly large crowd and treating it as a bad thing.
- 1:27The bit escalates to the comic wondering if he's accidentally started a cult.
Moza StormRay Kump
- 2 min
Dissecting the Name Moses Storm
#Tim mocks the unusual combination of Moses Storm as a stage name, riffs on 'Chad Storm' as a better name, and jokes about the Biblical mix-up, leading into questions about Moses' five siblings.
5moments
- 1:47Moses Storm is an unusually combined name that sounds like someone fucked up a Bible story.
- 2:07The name Moses Storm sounds like you were trying to make something but then fucked up the Noah story.
- 2:24Moses Jacob Storm — three Jewish names stacked together from a large family where parents took naming chances on the smaller kids.
- 2:45Tim's show is dark, covering human trafficking and disturbing topics, so audiences don't expect a guest like Moses.
- 3:27When you look at Moses on the show, people wonder what he did — whether he was fucking senators, gay for pay, or committed various crimes.
Bridget EverettThe Tim Dillon Show
- 3 min
Moses explains his childhood cult upbringing, living in a converted bus, street preaching from age two, the group's small size, and Tim comparing it unfavorably and favorably to Catholicism.
6moments
- 4:08Tim and Moses's parents had them grow up traveling in a converted city bus after converting to a religious group.
- 4:40Moses explains he didn't question the bus lifestyle because it was his entire reality from the start.
- 5:04The group combined street preaching and screaming at strangers with a doctrine closest to Catholicism.
- 5:34Tim compares it favorably to Catholicism, noting that most Catholics are lapsed and barely committed to the religion.
- 6:22The organization was called The Way, a name Tim finds genuinely great.
- 6:47Moses describes being in an unsuccessful cult with only three families total, and the kids were literally the followers they created.
- 4 min
Moses details his great uncle Michael founding the cult, his mother forging school paperwork to keep welfare benefits, and the family's street preaching at spring break and concerts with misspelled Bible verse signs.
11moments
- 7:25Tim sold Obamacare out of a truck dressed as Santa Claus during the holidays.
- 7:41People trust brick-and-mortar structures; nothing that can pull away in five minutes will convince them to change their lives.
- 8:03His childhood group called itself 'The Way' with no merchandise, just Bible verses on shirts.
- 8:23They'd attend major events like Lollapalooza, Rolling Stones concerts, and the US Open to preach.
- 8:56They stationed themselves on the outskirts of festivals and crowded areas like Hollywood Boulevard, where street preachers operate.
- 9:07They carried giant wooden crosses and neon signs warning people they were headed to hell, handing out religious tracts.
- 9:21The group sent children out to preach because the contrast was jarring to passersby.
- 9:36Tim was two years old and being sent out as a hellfire street preacher.
- 9:53A small child approaching strangers disarms their guard completely, making his hellfire preaching unexpectedly effective.
- 10:12He wore poor-quality hand-me-down clothes, sometimes rags, with misspelled Bible verses printed on top—his dyslexic mother produced signs like 'you're headed for heel.'
- 10:27His mother's severe dyslexia resulted in a street sign reading 'you're headed for heel' instead of 'hell.'
The WayWestboro Baptist ChurchObamacareJoe RoganLollapaloozaRolling StonesBeyoncéSony Center+2 more
- 8 min
Moses describes his great uncle's family capoeira dance-fighting as a conversion tactic, his parents' complicated marriage (his gay father), and reveals the cult's third family were the Yateses, leading into the horrifying true story of Andrea Yates drowning her five children.
12moments
- 10:58Tim learns that the kids weren't sent to school, which is illegal.
- 11:12Guest's mother regrets not sending her kids to school, ranking it second only to not getting a turkey meatloaf recipe from Grandma.
- 11:44Guest has only attended two months of school in his entire life.
- 12:00Mother's scheme to collect welfare: forge enrollment paperwork and use Whiteout to fake grades for the other kids.
- 12:19Tim compares the mother's forgery operation to rooting for Leonardo DiCaprio in Catch Me If You Can.
- 13:29The family spent significant time in Panama City, Florida, targeting spring break crowds for street preaching.
- 14:06Tim notes how many LA friends he has could logically join a collective instead of living their current lives.
- 15:18Guest's father is a pushover who goes along with living in a cult bus because his wife wanted it.
- 15:45Guest's mother bullied his father—who was gay—into a relationship; they got pregnant at six months before marriage.
- 16:41Great uncle Michael and his eight kids would do capoeira—dance fighting—on the street as a conversion tactic for Jesus.
- 17:07Tim asks how dance fighting became part of the street preaching recruitment strategy.
- 18:02Michael started the movement after getting injured during his Michigan State football career and crediting God with walking him off the field.
ScientologyMichaelCatch Me If You CanLeonardo DiCaprioLollapaloozaChristian Rock
- 5 min
Moses recounts his parents' divorce, the absurd custody arrangement where his mother got the kids and his father got the bus, and the family's practice of dumpster diving for food, which Tim insists sounds like a great childhood.
9moments
- 18:28The Yates family — Andrea and Rusty Yates from Texas.
- 19:09Tim explains the religious doctrine he grew up with: born sinful, but purer as a child, and harder to save as you age.
- 19:38His mother would say cryptic things like wishing they'd all die in a car accident right now to get saved.
- 20:02Andrea Yates drowned all five of her children one by one in the bathtub while Rusty was at work, then called him to come home.
- 20:57Andrea believed Satan was talking to her and trying to get the kids, so she killed them to save them before they got older and more sinful.
- 21:34The Yates also had one of Michael's buses before he bought a boat instead.
- 22:10Tim jokes about a weird pastor who'd pause sermons to pitch sponsors like a Honey Wagon or Stamps.com.
- 22:27After the Andrea Yates case, the family's involvement with the cult dropped off and Tim's parents divorced.
- 22:41He elaborates: they were extremely poor and couldn't afford basic necessities while relying on government assistance.
Andrea YatesYates familyRusty YatesMichael
- 5 min
Moses explains how his older siblings suffered worse from the cult (drugs, prostitution), how his mother forged letters threatening his father, and Tim riffs on class and privilege before Moses brings up the custody swap punchline about the bus again.
9moments
- 22:47Tim's childhood shame about theme restaurants like Fridays and Applebee's compared to dumpster diving for expired grocery store food.
- 23:35Jumping into grocery store dumpsters and eating expired food was the primary food source for a couple years.
- 23:51The problem with dumpster food was never having ingredients for an actual meal, just multiples of one item like all eggplant or nothing but Ho-Hos and Ding-Dongs.
- 24:14Tim doesn't feel bad about his guest's childhood in a bus eating junk food without school—says it was his dream life at eight years old.
- 24:36The real problem came at sixteen when he wanted to bring girls over but had no home that wasn't packed with junk and roaches.
- 25:02Tim compares his own rejection from auditions and TV roles to his guest's struggles, invoking his polka performance on Sesame Street.
- 25:44Guest explains his father left the family because he came out as gay.
- 26:18Guest is no longer angry at his father but acknowledges he shouldn't have left them alone with their mentally ill mother and agreed to the cult.
- 26:38Father is now with a new woman very similar to the mother—bullish and dominant.
Sesame StreetApplebeeJonathan Taylor ThomasFriday'sSwenson's
- 3 min
Moses describes moving into a double-wide trailer, riding out hurricanes in the old bus, finding photos suggesting his father was gay, and the family's routine of going to the beach every day instead of school.
8moments
- 27:44Tim's father got sole custody of the bus in the divorce settlement.
- 28:27They rode out hurricanes in that bus because they couldn't leave during storms.
- 28:37Tim found photos of his father with another muscular man wearing long jean shorts, dressed in the other guy's clothes.
- 29:05Tim's siblings started saying their father was gay based on the photos and how friendly he was with the man.
- 29:18Tim wanted to just shut up and enjoy having a house, to do the American middle class thing.
- 29:33Five kids were crammed into the double-wide trailer, sharing beds and sleeping bags.
- 29:56Tim's mother took all the kids to the beach every day, baking in the sun and putting oil on them instead of sending them to school.
- 30:16Tim hated the beach and would leave after half an hour, saying he just wanted to eat Ho-Hos at home.
bushurricanes
- 5 min
They discuss how poor families evade government oversight, Moses' perspective that his siblings had it worse, and then Tim brings out Michael's actual capoeira dance-fighting troupe onto the stage as a bit.
7moments
- 31:18When you're poor as shit in America, people don't give a shit about you—as long as you're not fucking up rich people's lives, you can do whatever.
- 31:52Tim describes meeting Moses as encountering something legitimate—a person who genuinely went through something, unlike his own acting denial which he frames as a sob story.
- 32:24Moses's siblings took the brunt of the weird childhood and now rebel by becoming the greatest parent, going to every student council meeting to fight for their kids' education.
- 33:05Brazilian dance fighting team Michael and the Way interrupts the show—described as a full show with no fucking, all virgins in their 30s.
- 34:22Moses on what he'd say to Michael: no anger, just honest questions, because everything he's told Tim could be bullshit and is all perception.
- 34:44Moses's siblings remember living in a nice house in Shaker Heights, Ohio with a pool and their dad working for GM, contradicting Moses's entire bus narrative.
- 35:18Moses's dad now claims he was never gay, but Moses's mom says she caught him in a bath with a man on their wedding day—a logistical impossibility Moses finds suspicious.
- 7 min
Moses reflects on how his siblings remember the cult childhood very differently, some claiming a normal suburban life, and says he'd actually want to talk to Michael again as an adult, with Tim pitching the whole story as a Netflix series.
11moments
- 36:02Tim worries his siblings might correct his version of family history, understanding his memories come through his own lens.
- 36:25Michael reappears in the picture telling them they need to do things more Western, offering instructions years too late.
- 36:48They had scam jobs growing up—calling radio stations claiming their house burned down to get free tickets and charity help.
- 37:33The family would go through rich people's trash and set up yard sales in other people's yards without owning a house.
- 38:01Tim says the older he gets, the more he genuinely appreciates her.
- 38:51Getting distance and perspective on trauma takes time; many comedians aren't far enough away from their big issues to make good specials.
- 39:14Tim thinks this isn't a stand-up special but a Netflix series about religion and cult life in America.
- 40:02His biggest anger at 16 was not understanding why they didn't just get real jobs instead of constantly running schemes.
- 40:42He entered the workforce, fell in love with a girl at a grocery store, and discovered his body wanted something his religion forbade.
- 41:40At 17 and a half he turned 18, legally able to get his license and prepped to escape like his siblings.
- 42:19Seeing three different versions of siblings leaving—one badly, one timid—he decided to get a license and community college enrollment as a legit exit plan.
NetflixPat Benatar
- 5 min
Moses describes testing into a special ed class despite never attending school, still struggling to read scripts today, and the different ways he and his siblings each left home, contrasted with Tim's 'paying your dues' framing.
8moments
- 42:55Tested so low on administrative exam that he was placed into a special education class for the summer
- 43:08Tim describes being in special ed with kids in wheelchairs while teachers treated them with extreme gentleness
- 43:39Every kid in that class was outpacing him in reading; he still struggles with literacy and memorizes teleprompters before shows
- 44:13Despite the dyslexia and rough upbringing, he's performed everywhere from Conan to major festivals while cushy kids can't crack the business
- 45:06Tim argues his difficult childhood shouldn't make him society's responsibility—it was just character building and paying dues
- 45:52He tried making his story his thing in 2015 but couldn't figure out how to make it funny; audiences didn't come to hear a book read aloud
- 46:19His relationship with his mom improved as he got older and realized how fucking hard it is to be an adult
- 46:45Tim connects the statement "it's hard to be an adult" to Muhammad Ata and 9/11, joking that at least his mom didn't kill the kids that day
- 4 min
Moses explains his reluctance to have children given his selfish career ambitions, reflects on forgiving his mother now that he understands how hard parenting is, and credits his sense of humor to innate temperament rather than trauma response.
9moments
- 47:15Moses describes having five kids by age 30 like his mother did, and whether he could handle it better
- 47:36Tim argues his guest's mother was doing her best given her age, influences, and circumstances
- 48:19Moses explains he thinks about having children but recognizes his parents' pattern of mixing hippie ideology with irresponsible experimentation
- 48:46Tim says his current selfish ambitions wouldn't allow him to be present for kids the way his older siblings manage to be
- 49:20Moses reflects on living on a bus, scavenging for food, and pulling scams, then asks whether his guest developed humor as a coping mechanism
- 50:04The guest credits his ability to function to his innate neurochemistry rather than any conscious choice to break tension
- 50:18Moses's mother filmed him at one year old making faces and putting oatmeal on his head to make people laugh
- 50:42Tim notes there's no heroic moment where his guest decided to step up and provide for his siblings
- 51:06Tim concludes the story is unbelievable and says his guest made it up, though he was also told the real version
- 6 min
Tim's Le Cirque Sob Story and Poor vs. Rich Kid Trauma Comparison
#Tim mockingly compares his own suburban 'suffering' (a pool you had to dive out of, a humiliating dinner at Le Cirque) to Moses' cult childhood, riffing on identity politics and who had it worse.
11moments
- 51:35Tim's pool was only six feet deep, forcing him to dive out instead of down—a source of childhood shame compared to friends with 14-foot pools.
- 52:10Having to remember not to dive down in the shallow pool represented poverty to him and felt deeply shameful.
- 53:01Tim required luxury growing up, unlike many people, which he argues made his childhood as difficult as someone's who actually suffered deprivation.
- 53:52He begged his mother to take him to Le Cirque restaurant for his sixth-grade birthday—an attempt to experience fine dining and sophistication.
- 54:14The maître d' at Le Cirque was cruel to his overweight mother, and Tim immediately sided with the rude host against her.
- 54:38Tim recalls the black bass with wine reduction and leeks at Le Cirque, remembering the dish's simplicity and importance while surrounded by well-dressed people.
- 54:58Sitting in the restaurant with his mother in her beanie-baby-loving sweater filled him with shame about their status.
- 55:43His guest constantly lowers his status in every situation due to growing up poor and the insecurity that comes with it.
- 56:10Poor people are constantly low-status and being fucked with, apologizing just for existing in space.
- 56:30Tim criticizes identity politics because he's ranked higher to feel bad for as a gay person than his straight, white, poor guest who lived in a bus.
- 57:01Tim insists he had it worse because his expectations were higher—born into the aristocracy middle class, a nightmare scenario where a fallen soufflé equals drowning in a bathtub.
- 3 min
Tim wraps the show plugging Moses Storm's social media and the podcast, jokes about Ari being unable to enter Canada, brings the siblings up for applause, and closes with a riff about his own family's downgraded Christmas gatherings.
6moments
- 57:37Michael Ari cannot enter Canada because he has a DUI.
- 58:09Tim promotes his upcoming Comedy Bar show and social media accounts.
- 58:48Tim thanks Moses Storm for coming on the podcast and being honest.
- 59:26Ari is not attending, probably in Papua New Guinea or elsewhere.
- 59:42Tim praises Moses as a successful killer who works hard and made it through.
- 1:00:13Tim's Christmases have gotten worse since his grandfather died and stopped owning his two-acre estate with a pool and tennis court.
Moses StormAri Shaffir