Episode 72 · The GaS Digital / Ray Kump Era
This Is No Way To Live
Nov 27, 2017 · 1:09:48 · 21 segments, 164 moments indexed
- 1 min
- 3 min
Angela's Sandwich Shop and the Thanksgiving Sandwich Disaster
#Tim rants about a sandwich shop giving out his studio address and refusing delivery, then spirals into a detailed rant about McDonald's fillet of fish sandwiches needing steamed buns, ordering hacks, and the psychology of regular McDonald's customers, plus a bit about ordering at odd hours.
10moments
- 0:31Tim wants to punch the woman at Angela's Sandwich Shop in the face over a Thanksgiving sandwich order.
- 0:44Thanksgiving sandwich is turkey, cheddar, stuffing, cranberry, and gravy on a hero — though Tim questions why there's cheese on it.
- 1:08The shop charged his card, then called back claiming they couldn't deliver to the East Village address he'd already provided them.
- 1:35Tim demands to know why they didn't check his delivery address before running his card.
- 1:50He ended up ordering fillet of fish from McDonald's instead, but they didn't steam the bun, ruining it.
- 2:00A proper fillet of fish should feel like a cloud of soft salt in your mouth.
- 2:21His co-host notes Tim rants about bad fish filet sandwiches constantly, off air and on.
- 2:35The co-host jokes that people see Tim coming and assume he's cursed, so they just throw anything at him.
- 2:53Steaming the bun is critical because no one knows when the bun was actually made.
- 3:06Tim's hack from his McDonald's days: request special modifications like extra sauce or pickles to force them to make it fresh.
- 3 min
Growing Up Rich and Irish: Butterball Turkeys and Fresh-Killed Birds
#Tim describes his family's wealthy Long Island Thanksgivings with butterball turkeys, riffs on organic/free-range food culture, and jokes about killing and torturing turkeys for freshness.
7moments
- 3:45A McDonald's worker observed that the saddest customers were those who came in weekly and ordered the same thing with hyper-specific technical details.
- 4:23Tim argues that ordering anything specific at McDonald's makes you sound like a serial killer.
- 5:08Sometimes eating McDonald's hits the back of your throat and you realize you've been striking out with the chain.
- 5:22Tim celebrates whenever McDonald's closes stores and admits he's one of those people who eats there at 2 a.m.
- 5:41The contradiction: Tim criticizes his friend for going to fast food restaurants, then eats McDonald's on Thanksgiving at 3 p.m. when families should have real meals together.
- 5:59Timing matters in fast food capitalism — going during busy times means the meat and cheese are cycling through, not sitting stale since 11 p.m.
- 6:25The McDonald's experience would taste better if you were sitting there with a homeless guy masturbating.
- 8 min
Muttontown Thanksgiving: Singing, Fistfights, and Irish Family Chaos
#Tim tells an extended story about his massive Irish family Thanksgivings in Muttontown, Long Island — guitar singalongs, his grandfather knocking people out mid-party, decades-old grudges, and the general wild rhythm of the night ending with the Thanksgiving sandwich and people passing out everywhere.
12moments
- 6:37Tim reflects on growing up in a huge Irish family with enormous Thanksgivings and realizes many people don't get that experience.
- 7:23His grandfather's Muttontown mansion held 50 people on Thanksgiving, with his nanny making two 22-pound butterball turkeys and trays of food.
- 7:56Tim argues that turkey is fundamentally bad no matter how you prepare it—fried, stuffed with herbs, or any other method.
- 9:19Thanksgivings would run from 3 or 4 p.m. until 5 a.m., starting with dinner at 5 or 6, then drinking and pool downstairs.
- 9:36Around 10 or 10:30 p.m., Tim's dad would take out his guitar and everyone would start singing Irish songs like the Wabash Cannonball.
- 10:09After 11:30 p.m., people put the guitar away and start serious hard drinking, then begin confronting each other about old grievances.
- 10:40The arguments mixed financial disputes, missed family events, insults about spouses, how kids were raised, and accusations of being a leech.
- 11:21Around 1 or 1:30 a.m., fistfights would break out; Tim's grandfather, a former PAL boxer, might punch someone and knock them out, then go back to bed.
- 12:04Around 2:30 or 3 a.m., the guitar comes back out, people sing again, and even the person who was punched gets up to sing along.
- 12:46Around 3:45 or 4 a.m., everyone goes upstairs to make Thanksgiving sandwiches with rye bread, turkey, stuffing, and cranberry sauce.
- 13:47The family knew a lot of cops who were members of the community; grandfather would show them around the house like it was a tour.
- 14:18The next day after the chaos, nobody in the family would speak to each other for a month.
Muntin CountyWabash CannonballCounty Cork
- 3 min
Christmas Magic, Big Houses, and the Catholic Church Bit
#Tim contrasts his opulent childhood Christmases in Muttontown with normal families, riffs on the Catholic Church's grandeur being designed to indoctrinate kids, and does an extended bit as a priest justifying abuse to kids.
8moments
- 14:43Christmas as a kid was magical because of Muntitown on Long Island with huge trees, rolling hills, and massive houses.
- 15:12Tim's parents were working-class—his mother a swim teacher, his father selling office equipment in a Pontiac Sundance.
- 15:30His family would visit a beautiful church, St. Paul's, for holidays in a completely different world from their normal life.
- 15:50Christmas in a big house with a 12-foot tree tied to the staircase shaped what he thought Christmas was supposed to be.
- 16:12Tim defends the Catholic Church for providing order to society and says he likes it, despite its flaws.
- 16:30Father Murphy was working himself out—helping with his demons—trying to save people's souls every Sunday.
- 16:50A therapist session about priest abuse, interrupted by a hard Irish priest telling the victim the Lord doesn't like whiners.
- 17:05Priests supposedly told kids back then that the Lord doesn't like people who open their mouths about abuse.
Catholic ChurchMuntintownSt. Paul'sPitney Bowes
- 3 min
Cool Whip Christmas and Making Magic on a Budget
#Tim argues you can still make a kid's Christmas magical in a cheap apartment with cool whip and gingerbread, veering into a crude riff about cool whip's other uses before returning to nostalgia about class and family holidays.
7moments
- 17:28Tim breaks down the ethnic and colonial history embedded in a sound, tracing Irish to Dutch African to South African priests.
- 17:55Eating holiday meals on a tray with another loser isn't fun—there's nothing magical about Christmas when you're poor.
- 18:07You can make a kid's Christmas magical even in a shitty house with fake snow and Cool Whip spread around.
- 18:43Cool Whip isn't just for eating pussy—it's gingerbread snow for the kids, not for a 34-year-old man living with another comic.
- 19:05Tim remembers being a poor kid and how much more magical his grandfather's nicer house felt in comparison.
- 19:23Modern holidays aren't as fun as they used to be, and they shouldn't be—that's just how it goes.
- 19:37People skip seeing their parents because this generation doesn't have kids at twenty, breaking the cycle that made holidays matter.
- 2 min
Blended Family Awkwardness and Amy Schumer Jokes
#Tim talks about not knowing extended step-family members anymore, jokes about people asking dumb comedy questions at family gatherings, and riffs on a fictional Amy Schumer joke, then a Long Island comic bit about a guy doing dated ethnic accent material.
7moments
- 20:04Tim on blended families and not knowing stepfamily members because everyone's been divorced multiple times
- 20:21Grandparents ask if he's met Amy Schumer; Tim responds by claiming she raped him
- 20:40His relatives know he does comedy and have watched his videos
- 20:58Story about someone asking if he works with Jerry Seinfeld after seeing him at a comedy show in Jersey
- 21:27People are drawn to celebrities and connecting comedians to famous names, even comparing it to mentioning a plumber
- 21:46Relative keeps pushing him to work with their brother Donny Bonadato, a comedian from 1988
- 22:06Donny's bit involves an Asian voice at a dry cleaners, blackface, and the Three Kings
Amy SchumerJerry SeinfeldDonny Bonadato
- 3 min
Long Island's Warped View of Show Business and a Stolen Joke Riot
#Tim describes Long Islanders' outdated Rat Pack-era idea of showbiz success (Vegas as the pinnacle), then tells a story about a comedy contest audience rioting in favor of a guy who got caught stealing a joke.
9moments
- 22:28Tim describes Long Island's outdated view of show business success, where making it in Vegas is the benchmark of entertainment achievement.
- 22:52Vegas comedy clubs attract big names like Ray Romano, but Long Island people are still living in the Rat Pack era.
- 23:15Talking to Long Islanders reveals they're frozen in time, unable to grasp how modern entertainment actually works.
- 23:38Tim recounts being asked by dinner guests whether doing stand-up every night—constant rejection—doesn't just destroy the meaningful part of you.
- 24:16His favorite Long Island comedy story involves a comedian caught stealing a joke during a comedy contest.
- 24:33When the audience was told there was a question about originality on one of the jokes, they sided entirely with the joke thief.
- 24:55A guy in the crowd shouted "It depends how you tell it" in defense of the stolen joke, getting immediate uniform support.
- 25:07The crowd booed not the joke thief, but the decision to not let him win the round.
- 25:19Long Island's entire experience of comedy is based on how you tell a joke, not on whether you actually wrote it.
- 3 min
Frank's Rent Thanksgiving Day and the Nintendo Wii Debt Collection
#Ray explains his friend group's tradition called 'Frank's Rent Thanksgiving Day' involving home cooking, then tells a story about physically shaking down a friend who owed him money for a used Nintendo Wii.
7moments
- 25:35Tim's friends held an event called Frank's Rent Thanksgiving Day, where people brought dishes.
- 26:20Frank made chili, meat pies, and other dishes, listing them among his cooking accomplishments.
- 26:48His meat pie was like a homeless person who found their way into a pizzeria in the middle of the night.
- 27:07Frank sold his old Nintendo Wii to someone who refused to pay him.
- 27:25When the guy tried to shortchange him, Frank threw him against the wall until he paid up.
- 27:41The debtor threw the money on the floor like Frank was an animal, which prompted the wall incident.
- 27:53Frank broke the guy's fan during the altercation and had to buy him a new one.
ThanksgivingNintendo Wii
- 6 min
Anti-Friendsgiving Rant: Cold Brew, Nostalgia, and Corporate Brunch Culture
#Tim goes off on modern 'Friendsgiving' culture as a hollow corporate-lite tradition compared to the original queer/outcast Friendsgivings of the East Village, then expands into a broader rant about brunch culture, gender reveal parties, and everything being corporately designed for you.
10moments
- 28:35Tim's rant against Friendsgiving: stop with this shit, it's just office mates sharing turkey.
- 29:11The original Friendsgiving was people disowned by families doing coke in the East Village, not corporate brunches.
- 29:48Young professionals discussing Kendrick Lamar while eating overly ambitious menus that suck is worse than the old version.
- 30:30Friendsgiving stretched across multiple days is weak; it should be one night, not an extension of this generation's nostalgia obsession.
- 30:56People are choking down a nostalgia cock because childhood was the only time they felt safe.
- 31:52Tim's sick of New York City young professional culture and the brunchification of every weekend.
- 32:26Young Goldman Sachs guys in the East Village doing brunch every other day, getting high at music festivals—it's fucking annoying.
- 32:47Upwardly mobile drunks destroying their lives in old man bars represents a loss of shared musical experience like Zeppelin or Smashing Pumpkins.
- 33:19Every music festival, brunch, and vacation has been designed on a spreadsheet by marketing groups to control how you live.
- 33:40Corporate design sucks the spontaneity and excitement out of every fucking experience people have.
- 5 min
Gender Reveal Parties Explained (Badly) and Everest Selfies
#Tim and Ray argue over what a gender reveal party actually is, with Tim confusing it with circumcision, while continuing the rant about corporatized life experiences like climbing Everest for Instagram.
10moments
- 33:54Everest climbing has been ruined by people taking selfies and making it about hashtags.
- 34:15Tim complains that everything has become too corporate, even though he's generally pro-corporate.
- 34:42Gender reveal parties are everywhere on Instagram, with cakes, piñatas, or colored smoke to announce the baby's sex.
- 35:31The problem with gender reveal parties is they lack originality and feel like cookie-cutter Instagram trends.
- 36:24Parents hire a bakery to bake a gender-specific cake, then reveal the baby's sex by cutting into it at a party with friends.
- 37:26The real reason people do gender reveal parties instead of finding out in the hospital room is so they can prepare the nursery and buy gender-specific items beforehand.
- 37:42The actual point of gender reveal parties is to get drunk in the backyard with friends and congratulate the parents.
- 38:03Tim wants people to return to a more primal, no-nonsense way of life instead of all these corporate-sponsored trends.
- 38:20Ray misunderstands and thinks Tim is referring to The Texas Chain Saw Massacre as the ideal lifestyle.
- 38:30Tim pivots to saying sweet potatoes are better than yams for Thanksgiving.
gender reveal partiesMount EverestInstagram
- 4 min
Yams vs Sweet Potatoes and the Lost Art of the Dinner Party
#A debate over yams versus sweet potatoes leads into Tim's Christmas menu complaints and a riff on famous NYC dinner party hostess Alice (a realtor) who seated power players like Bill Clinton, contrasted with modern couch-eating culture.
9moments
- 38:53Tim argues yams and sweet potatoes are completely different, not the same thing.
- 39:27Tim's family Christmas steakhouse tradition in Manhattan isn't happening this year, making him unhappy.
- 40:07When you're older and don't have kids, holidays are just menus—send him the food list and he'll decide if he's coming.
- 40:44No one cares about the craft of dinner parties anymore, about seating people strategically who can talk to each other.
- 41:01Alice, a famous realtor, hosted legendary Manhattan dinner parties in a rent-controlled apartment, inviting Yitzhak Rabin and Bill Clinton.
- 41:19Seating arrangement at a proper dinner party was a major art form that generated business through referrals.
- 41:31Modern dinner parties are dead—people just sit wherever they want, eating on couches like animals.
- 41:48Tim describes how hosts seat guests strategically next to someone with deep appreciation for Austrian School economics or morgue stories.
- 42:07Phlebotomy—the art of drawing blood—gets mentioned as part of the dinner party skill set.
- 4 min
Seating Tim at Dinner: Morgue Stories, Phlebotomy, and Adoption Jokes
#Riff continues on what makes Tim good dinner party company (morgue stories, biting), a bit about a lawyer telling Tim to add an iPad puppet to his act, and a bit about wanting to adopt/kidnap a child.
6moments
- 42:42Tim's stepmother's father spent an hour telling him to put an iPad in his act and talk to it like a puppet.
- 43:30The imagined heckle of a pre-programmed iPad calling the audience fat.
- 44:01Tim says he wants to adopt a kid with someone or seed a woman together to become a father.
- 44:14Kidnapping as an alternative to adoption, which leads to a tangent about whether kidnapped kids can have good homes.
- 45:05Blood work came back great except slightly elevated liver enzymes and fatty liver, which Tim's doctor attributed to being fat.
- 45:28A doctor's phone call during Tim's blood draw: someone discussing a cancer patient with a year to live and whether a feeding tube would help quality of life.
fatty liverSupreme Court
- 2 min
Fatty Liver, the Filipino Doctor, and Blood Draw Drama
#Tim recounts his doctor visit revealing a fatty liver, a bizarre overheard phone call about a dying patient, and a tense exchange with the phlebotomist about his collapsed vein.
7moments
- 46:03Doctor tells him he has no blood in his bed during the blood draw.
- 46:19Tim defends the Filipino accent and mentions his Filipino neighbors poisoned his cat.
- 46:42Tim's vein collapsed during the draw, so the doctor told him to drink water to restore blood flow.
- 46:57Tim got his cholesterol results back and celebrated with a bacon cheeseburger and banana cream pie for lunch.
- 47:11Tim recommends bringing unexpected pies to Thanksgiving instead of the standard pumpkin and apple.
- 47:32Diane's and Roslyn's banana cream pie has glazed bananas on top with custard underneath, no whipped cream.
- 47:43Tim encourages people to try different desserts like coconut custard or peppermint pie at Thanksgiving.
Diane's and RosalynBrian Cooper
- 3 min
Pie Rankings: Banana Cream, Sara Lee, and Peppermint Pie Debate
#Tim ranks Thanksgiving pies, praising a banana cream pie from Diane's in Roslyn and nostalgic Sara Lee French silk pie, while mocking Ray's suggestion of peppermint pie.
9moments
- 47:47Tim questions whether peppermint pie is actually a thing, suggesting Boston cream pie instead.
- 48:02He dismisses peppermint pie as having a disgusting minty taste that sounds unappetizing.
- 48:26Tim admits he likes mint desserts generally, though he's not a huge fan of mint chocolate chip ice cream.
- 48:41Sarah Lee frozen pies, specifically French silk, were great grocery store staples from his childhood.
- 48:57He describes the ritual of putting Sarah Lee chocolate cream pies in the refrigerator to frost over.
- 49:14Tim calls Sarah Lee French silk pie 'real white trash eating' in a nostalgic way.
- 49:35He teases that Shannon's neighborhood in the city is surrounded by Greek bakeries but she doesn't go to them.
- 49:48Tim asks where the show should go long-term, wondering what direction they should take it.
- 50:08They establish this is episode 72, approximately 72 weeks of the show running.
Sarah LeeTurkey Hill
- 3 min
72 Episodes In: Pitching Where the Show Goes Next
#Tim and Ray discuss burning out on guests and topics after 72 episodes, joking about needing a new dark subject like organ trafficking to replace their sex-abuse-scandal coverage.
6moments
- 50:48Tim asks Shannon about eating pasta in Italy and jokes that Italians spend their time lounging around eating pasta and abusing underage women.
- 51:00Dana White's hypothetical take: she'd complain that Olive Garden portions are better because they keep bringing more bread.
- 51:36At 72 episodes, Tim says they're starting to hate every guest they've had on and need new material from the world to discuss.
- 52:06The show has been shepherding the gate on sex abuse scandals for months, but now other people are handling it and they need to find something else to break apart.
- 52:24Tim pitches going deeper into economics, mentioning Bethany McLean, or pivoting toward darker topics like human trafficking and organ harvesting.
- 52:46He considers covering organ trafficking and people who cut organs out of you as a potential new direction for the show.
sex abuse scandalsBethany McLeanShannonorgan traffickingFreddie MacDana
- 3 min
Pitching an Organ Trafficking Travelogue Show
#An extended bit where Ray plays a TruTV development executive and Tim pitches a reenactment travelogue series about organ trafficking in Bangladesh, Sri Lanka, and Azerbaijan.
9moments
- 53:12Tim pitches a travelogue show about organ trafficking in third-world countries.
- 53:31The show would travel to Bangladesh, Sri Lanka, and Azerbaijan to document the organ trade.
- 53:42Tim proposes reenacting organ removal scenarios with actors instead of actual footage.
- 53:53The trafficking usually starts with a sex worker at a bar who drugs the mark with a Mickey.
- 54:17Victims wake up to find their organs being carved out with machetes.
- 54:29Tim would provide on-location commentary introducing each country's preferred organs to steal.
- 54:52His catchphrase for the show: casually repeated requests for specific organs, like "Give me that liver."
- 55:03The development executive admits it's actually not a horrible idea for a show.
- 55:16Networks have covered human trafficking extensively but haven't explored organ trafficking yet.
organ traffickingtruTVhuman traffickingAzerbaijanBangladeshSri Lanka
- 5 min
Avoiding the Same Political Ruts, and the Show's Dark Curiosity
#Tim and Ray reflect on avoiding repetitive topical political arguments, discussing the show's ability to explore dark subjects like child sacrifice and war crimes with humor rather than ideology, and floating a Naomi Klein interview.
9moments
- 56:00Tim refuses to keep rehashing the same political positions week after week because it's boring.
- 56:25Tim describes the show's appeal as its curiosity about dark subjects and willingness to delve into them.
- 56:38The show retains humor and objectivity while exploring dark places, rather than being ideologically driven.
- 57:08Most people don't understand horror, yet they demand trigger warnings and safe spaces for opinions.
- 57:24The show has covered ritualistic child murder, war crimes causing generational birth defects, mind control, and conspiracy.
- 58:24Tim is interested in how global corporations enable exploitation, like Apple and Foxconn's use of child labor.
- 59:05Tim wants to explore psychologically how successful people accused of heinous crimes share traits that drive both achievement and monstrous behavior.
- 59:34Traits like narcissism and partial sociopathy are necessary for success but limit empathy and can contribute to abuse.
- 1:00:14Tim argues that powerful perverts driven by sex are preferable to those seeking total domination like Hitler or Putin.
- 5 min
Successful Men, Predators, and the Curb Your Enthusiasm Backlash
#A long discussion about the overlap between traits that create successful, powerful people and predatory/monstrous behavior (Woody Allen, Cosby, Weinstein, Hitler, Putin), pivoting into a rant about newly 'woke' people suddenly criticizing Curb Your Enthusiasm and comedy's role as a mirror rather than a moral instructor, invoking George Carlin.
10moments
- 1:01:09Tim wonders if the ability to see the world in an interesting unique way makes predatory men feel unbounded by morality.
- 1:01:23Woody Allen's philosophy that artists create their own moral universe may be appearing in his films.
- 1:02:16Critics dismiss Curb Your Enthusiasm as just a rich white guy making fun of service workers, claiming it's not funny anymore.
- 1:02:37Tim argues that if you think the country broke during an election, you haven't looked at anything—George Bush was responsible for millions of deaths in wars.
- 1:03:22The sudden political consciousness of people becoming woke is infuriating when they've only recently started paying attention.
- 1:03:44Nothing is worse than a white guy coming out of jail and saying the prison system is broken—that's what's happening with Curb criticism.
- 1:04:07Comics shooting on Curb Your Enthusiasm because they think it's fashionable are just looking for approval and TV deals.
- 1:04:53The emphasis on optics creates the idea that comedy is conditioning people to devalue the lower class.
- 1:05:22Curb isn't making people more callous because if people thought that's how you should act, it wouldn't be funny.
- 1:05:46Critics want comics to create an equitable world on stage that's also funny and recognizable—an absurd task that George Carlin avoided by just pointing out how fucked up things are.
Bill CosbyDonald TrumpGeorge W. BushHarvey WeinsteinWoody AllenCharlie RoseCurb Your EnthusiasmGeorge Carlin+1 more
- 1 min
Tim runs through his upcoming tour dates including Poughkeepsie, the Stress Factory, a Comedy Central taping in New Orleans, New Hampshire, Maine, Woodstock, Tampa, and Boston.
4moments
- 1:06:13Tim directs listeners to TimDillonComedy.com to sign up for ticket updates for upcoming shows.
- 1:06:33Laughing Up Thanksgiving Eve show at Poughkeepsie Mahoney's on November 30th.
- 1:06:59Tour stops announced: Chezquim Pub in New Hampshire on December 13th, Laugh Factory in Portland Maine on December 14th, and co-headlining with Sean Donnelly in Woodstock New York on December 15th.
- 1:07:16January dates at Sidesplitters in Tampa early January and LaughBoston January 18th through 20th.
- 2 min
Closing Riff: The Show's Next Evolution and Sign-Off
#Tim and Ray close by discussing plans to evolve the show into new territory like organ trafficking coverage, plug their other projects (QED show, Vice Sports, Raycom.com joke website), and sign off wishing listeners Happy Thanksgiving.
6moments
- 1:07:43Tim discusses thinking about new guests and the next evolution of the show without fundamentally changing it.
- 1:08:04The show has done good work and reached a point where new doors should be opened after exhausting the previous ones.
- 1:08:22Tim plans to continue covering news as it happens while exploring ideas around corporations, the third world, and unjust systems.
- 1:08:50Tim announces upcoming comedy appearances: QED in Astoria Saturday at 10 p.m. on Last Stop Laughs, plus episodes on Vice Sports via Go90 or Fight Sports Facebook.
- 1:09:05Raycom.com is coming soon as a multimedia interactive experience, not just a dates page.
- 1:09:15The website will feature a live cam of Tim eating fried ravioli.
Last Stop LaughsRaycom.comGo90Vice SportsFight Sports Facebook