rant · moment 5 of 19
Father Ray: Confessional Bits, Energy Drinks, and the Priesthood Fantasy
from Father Kump · #48
Audio-only archive episode — no video to seek.
3 minTim and Ray do an extended bit imagining Ray as a priest, joking about confessionals, nihilism about death, drinking Red Bull on the altar, and Ray's teenage flirtation with becoming a priest.
- 8:49Tim told his high school chaplain he wanted to be a priest and the chaplain reported him to the principal, claiming he was on drugs.
- 9:12Priests at funerals tell weak jokes about hell to keep the audience listening, then push the fear of damnation.
- 9:48Tim's fictional priest character explains the arbitrary rules: we don't eat meat on Fridays because Jesus was, and he needs money from the congregation.
- 10:12Tim acknowledges his Father Ray voice doesn't actually sound like him, but insists he would be a great priest.
- 10:40When asked if he believes in anything, Tim's priest character says no—he used to, but doesn't anymore.
- 10:57In a confessional, Tim's priest tells a penitent that when they die their temporal energy becomes nothing.
- 11:15Tim's priest character would be drinking Red Bull and Five-Hour Energy on the altar because the Holy Spirit isn't working.
- 11:26Tim's priest orders a Monster energy drink with the Eucharist to keep his heart rate up.