rant · moment 16 of 18

The Solar Panel Sales Pitch Bit and Vatican Bank Conspiracy

from Built To Win · #43

Audio-only archive episode — no video to seek.

4 min

Tim does an extended improvised bit voicing a solar panel salesman hustling old Long Island ladies with government rebate promises and cheap Italy trip upsells, then riffs into a wild tangent theorizing about what's hidden in the Vatican Bank.

In this bit7 moments
  • 52:12Tim launches into a solar panel sales pitch, mimicking an aggressive salesman targeting homeowners with promises of cutting costs in half and environmental credits.
  • 52:41He fantasizes about buying solar panels so he can afford a Perillo tour of Italy, then admits he vaguely remembers those tours being a scam.
  • 53:25Tim mocks someone talking about fiscal responsibility while planning an impulse Rome trip, questioning whether a first flight should really go straight to the Vatican instead of somewhere like Wilmington, North Carolina.
  • 53:51Demonstrating how a salesman would pivot mid-conversation to suddenly discuss the papal seat and Vatican bagels, confused about what's actually in the Vatican.
  • 54:31Tim speculates about what's stored in the Vatican Bank, suggesting it contains Holocaust gold and melted-down teeth.
  • 55:01He argues the Vatican stole vast amounts of treasure throughout history, from Constantinople and the Eastern Empire, comparing them to the Swiss.
  • 55:50Vault access at the Vatican is completely restricted; nobody knows what's really down there, possibly including the original Mona Lisa and Jesus's skeleton.
Mentioned here

Vatican BankVaticanRomeConstantinople

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