rant · moment 9 of 18
Ziti, Scabs, and the 90-Year-Old Man Comparison
from Pizza Hut Buffet · #32
Audio-only archive episode — no video to seek.
5 minTim eats crusted rotini/ziti and compares its cheese texture to a scab, makes a crude comparison to a sex act, they watch more customers rush the buffet, and joke about needing pizza sauce stains as a badge of honor.
- 23:40Two pizzas for fifteen bucks is acting like something extravagant.
- 24:19Guy walks out with a full Mountain Dew, shorts and flip-flops in February—global warming doesn't look good.
- 24:48Fat guys wearing shorts in winter is a Long Island thing, and they've seen a lot of it this winter.
- 25:02No wings on the buffet, and the dessert pies—apple and cherry—are gone; only cinnamon sticks now.
- 25:47Woman at the buffet is just housing entire slices in one bite while oscillating between pizza and ziti.
- 26:45The ziti cheese has crusted over and has the texture of a two- or three-day-old scab.
- 27:09Tim compares eating the ziti to going down on a ninety-year-old man.
- 28:05People comfortable at this place go straight to the buffet without waiting—that's how you know they belong.
- 28:21It becomes a race because the buffet ends at two; everyone's calculating how much they can eat before time runs out.
- 28:49Leaving a pizza buffet without a stain means you're an idiot and a loser.