Episode 25 · The GaS Digital / Ray Kump Era
Find Your God (with Dan St. Germain)
with Dan St. Germain
Dec 27, 2016 · 1:05:38 · 25 segments, 168 moments indexed
- 1 min
GaS Digital Network intro sting and show branding announcement before the episode begins.
2moments
- 0:10Tim introduces the show's premise: taking a hard critical look at the people society has decided to hate.
- 0:22Tim's framing: the world needs bad people and bad things to exist—without evil, there's no good.
- 1 min
Happy New Year and Introducing Dan St. Germain
#Tim opens the New Year's episode, introduces co-host Ray and guest Dan St. Germain, plugs Dan's upcoming stand-up hour, and previews doing a resolutions round.
4moments
- 0:33Tim opens the first episode of 2017 with a New Year greeting.
- 0:56Dan St. Germain introduced as a funny comic and guest on the show.
- 1:19Tim notes you can't give a sincere compliment while making eye contact.
- 1:48Plans to do a quick round of New Year's resolutions before moving to other topics.
Dan St. GermainRay Compass
- 3 min
Dan Quits Smoking and Ray's Public Masturbation Confession
#Dan discusses quitting smoking and the Comedy Store's smoking culture, mocks Ray's claimed drug history, and Ray admits to a court-ordered masturbation-related incident and a no-porn challenge.
8moments
- 1:59Comedy Store in LA is like Graceland for cigarettes, with ashtrays everywhere outside.
- 3:15Dan hasn't had a cigarette in over eight months.
- 3:32Dan mentions trying to abstain from dating and masturbating for three months.
- 3:44Ray tried not masturbating in a laundromat but kept it up in the transit system.
- 3:59Tim jokes that every time Ray's wreck goes off, a SWAT team gets sent.
- 4:10Dan and Tim ate like pigs at a steakhouse last night with a big steak and marshmallow ice cream afterward.
- 4:36Comic Sean Donnelly apparently runs a scam where he takes people out to dinner then stiffs them with the bill.
- 4:56Tim teases Dan about how he sets things up to get free meals.
The Comedy StoreSean DonnellyGraceland
- 3 min
Ray's Fake Uncle Restaurant Scam Exposed
#Dan tells the story of Ray taking people to a restaurant claiming his 'uncle' owns it to get free food, including a declined card, a suspicious waitress, and the reveal that Ray never pays anyone back.
8moments
- 5:02Tim skeptical that Ray's uncle actually owns the restaurant, promises to check evidence later.
- 5:32Tim orders ten appetizers and everything on the menu instead of a normal meal.
- 6:03Tim's pitch to Ray was a free dinner, but the actual bill was $180 to $200.
- 6:39Tim doesn't know if he's close to Ray's family because he keeps referring to 'his uncle' at the restaurant.
- 6:50The waitress seemed to be on pills and had a meth-chick vibe but was nice and pretty.
- 7:13Tim tells the waitress his name is Kevin Dillon; she checks the computer and says that name appears nowhere in their system.
- 7:25Tim suspects his 'uncle' immediately deleted the notation the waitress made in the restaurant computer.
- 7:39Tim complains the computer should list him as 'Kevin's nephew' so he'd get free promotional items sometimes.
Kevin DillonGrace Papaya
- 3 min
Food as the New Addiction Resolution
#Tim discusses replacing drinking and drugs with overeating as his vice, comparing it to Ray's obsession with fancy restaurants, LA craft services, and family history of diabetes.
7moments
- 8:09Tim makes food his New Year's resolution, contrasting it with his years of heavy drinking that nearly caused him to fall down stairs.
- 8:33He compares his obsession with finding restaurants to how some people are to comedy—a haunted house of compulsion that doesn't lead anywhere.
- 9:06Tim wants to stop using food as a reward and instead treat eating purely as sustenance rather than self-indulgence.
- 9:21At 237 pounds and 5'10", he lays out his physical stats as context for the problem he's trying to solve.
- 9:48Approach to overeating should mirror approach to alcohol and drugs—acknowledge you can't handle it rather than pretend moderation works.
- 10:08Doctor told him he's pre-diabetic and advised him to stop smiling, which Tim reads as coded language for losing weight.
- 10:22Family history of rewarding themselves with alcohol hasn't ended well, and his father has diabetes.
foodLos Angeles
- 1 min
Siegfried and Roy AIDS Tigers Bit Horrifies a Writer
#Dan recounts pitching an absurd Siegfried and Roy sketch involving AIDS-infected tigers to a horrified established comedy writer in a green room.
3moments
- 10:39Tim riffs on overweight men at amusement parks having horrible lives.
- 11:18Tim describes pitching a Siegfried and Roy sketch with a collaborator at UCB where tigers kill them both and the reveal is they all have AIDS.
- 11:41An accomplished TV writer in the room was completely horrified by the sketch concept.
- 4 min
Automation, AI, and the Coming Robot Uprising
#The group riffs on Ray's mundane resolutions (cleaning his hat), then spirals into a rant about automation and AI eliminating jobs, government pacifying the masses with pills, and predictions of coming unrest and violence against the rich.
9moments
- 12:09Tim's New Year's resolution is to stop ruining his shirts with sweat stains and food.
- 12:37Heat ray has the most doable resolutions, like cleaning a hat or scrubbing a part of yourself.
- 13:07White House reported that automation and AI could eliminate 50% of white and blue collar jobs.
- 13:30Tim suggests the government is waiting for robots to replace workers before putting people in FEMA camps.
- 13:51Driverless cars will put truck drivers, cab drivers, and Uber drivers out of work.
- 14:15The rich don't understand that once millions of people are on the street, they'll start dragging people out of Park Avenue and killing them.
- 14:42Wealthy people have been giving everyone Xanax and Prozac for 30 years because they know what's coming.
- 15:01Tim jokes the podcast turned into three lunatics ranting in total agreement within five minutes, abandoning jokes entirely.
- 15:12People should find a god and give themselves to a real movement instead of just posting on Facebook and watching ISIS videos.
automation and AIWhite HouseFEMAKierkegaardClint HowardGary OldmanHannibal
- 1 min
A brief Eataly sponsor mention drifts into reminiscing about the disturbing 'Who Took Johnny' documentary and the horrifying details of the case that affected them physically.
4moments
- 15:39Tim notes the show is sponsored by Eataly and describes it as really fun if you love Italian culture and food.
- 16:03Dan made Tim watch the Who Took Johnny documentary, which changed the trajectory of the podcast.
- 16:29Tim describes a horrific moment in the documentary involving a house in Colorado where children were kept in cages.
- 16:49Tim jumped up during the shocking revelation and started compulsively eating brownie crisps that were on top of the refrigerator.
EatalyWho Took Johnny
- 1 min
Bank Tellers, ATMs, and Nicknames Clump and Cump Dump
#Tangent about obsolete jobs like bank tellers and ATM fees, then ribbing Ray about his nicknames Clump and Cump Dump and his messy desk.
3moments
- 17:16Bank tellers seem pointless when ATMs exist — why is this still a job?
- 17:37Tim argues not caring about ATM fees is why people stay poor.
- 18:01Dan calls the guest "Clump" constantly without knowing his actual name.
- 3 min
LA's Loneliness and Inland Empire Vibes
#Dan describes the eerie loneliness of LA, comparing it to David Lynch's Inland Empire, and describes the sad world of failed actors doing karaoke as audience warm-up filler on his CBS show Superior Donuts.
5moments
- 18:24LA is lonelier than New York, with a darkness that's palpable compared to other cities.
- 19:05Failed dreams permeate LA on a mass scale, visible in how the city absorbs broken ambitions.
- 19:42Failed actors get paid to sit in the audience and are forced to sing karaoke as part of the warm-up.
- 20:16LA is full of failed actors who pivot to second or third careers like real estate, though they're rarely good at those jobs either.
- 20:37There's something attractive about LA's sadness despite the underlying bleakness of the city.
- 3 min
Conspiracy Podcast Guests and Alex Jones's Success
#They discuss past podcast guests like Russ Baker and David Talbot, why conspiracy guests are often bad interviews, and why Alex Jones succeeds with his globalist fearmongering style.
7moments
- 21:32Conspiracy guests often lack interview skills and ramble without proper reporting, making them difficult as podcast material.
- 21:56Alex Jones succeeds because he commits to simple, dramatic messaging about globalists and children rather than hedging or uncertainty.
- 22:08Alex Jones tried to get Tim and Ray to work for his website for free.
- 22:22Tim accuses Alex Jones of giving Ray food poisoning at a swingers bar.
- 22:39Getting big-name guests like realtors is difficult because Ray talks about runaways and drives people away.
- 23:25People struggling in LA's entertainment industry lack the community support that exists in New York City.
- 23:43Starting out in comedy requires maintaining a comfortable amount of delusion about small wins and upward mobility.
- 4 min
LA vs New York: Entertainment Delusion and Middle Class Struggles
#Dan and Tim discuss the fallacy that any entertainment job beats other careers, the divide between LA's successful and unsuccessful, and the difficulty of being middle class in New York versus LA.
9moments
- 24:01Entertainment jobs aren't inherently better than other professions like law, medicine, or teaching.
- 24:38Tim notes he's met people with serious professional skills who left those careers behind for entertainment.
- 24:54LA creates a sharper wealth divide than New York, where successful people are visibly doing much better.
- 25:13Top-tier writer's rooms in LA have no weak links—everyone's been writing comedy for years and knows their craft.
- 25:39New Yorkers commiserate together, but LA people avoid showing desperation or catching each other's struggle.
- 26:11Tim admits his Irish background makes him self-deprecating even when doing well.
- 26:43LA has more open jockeying for opportunities, with people trying to figure out how to advance.
- 26:57Dating in LA is harder than in New York, partly because people always wonder if they can do better.
- 27:21Two people in the entertainment business together struggle even if successful, like the James Taylor and Carly Simon dynamic.
Greg FitzsimmonsCarly SimonJames Taylor
- 3 min
Dan's Failed Roadside Dog Rescue
#Riffing on Ray's romantic life and living situation, Dan tells the story of trying to rescue a limping stray dog after a silent retreat, which fled and joined a pack that growled at him.
7moments
- 27:39Tim on jealousy and romanticized problems, comparing them to a JT Carly deal with Billy Baldwin and TGI Friday's waitress dynamics.
- 28:06Middle class in LA versus New York — you can be middle class in LA but in New York you still live like a poor person.
- 28:21Writing a Fox show while living in a New York apartment with no living room, hanging out on Matt Morano's couch.
- 28:39Bringing a girl back to a studio apartment and having to warn her it's just a bed with potato chips on it.
- 29:10On adopting a woman to become a wife — described as the strangest thing ever heard.
- 29:25Preference for adopting children rather than having them, tied to beliefs about population.
- 29:45Runaway train reference and joking about runaways and tacos.
Matt MoranoBilly Baldwin
- 5 min
Vatican Gay Bars, Church Money, and AA Meeting Weirdos
#Tim and Dan riff on becoming ministers, the Vatican's finances and alleged gay bar funding, the book Papal Sin, and bizarre characters at AA meetings including a delusional man in the back.
10moments
- 30:52Tim recounts driving back from a silent retreat and attempting to rescue a limping dog on the road.
- 31:30The dog runs away and joins a pack that growls at him, forcing Tim to retreat to his car.
- 31:59He used to attend Catholic retreats on Shelter Island until someone burned down the chapel and other buildings.
- 32:36Tim recently went to Mount Carmel Church in North Haven and has expressed interest in becoming a minister.
- 33:01Minister salaries are only 40 to 90 thousand dollars, which kills any genuine interest in the job.
- 33:33Vatican City is described as yellow brick road territory with wealthy art collections and aggressive begging outside the Sistine Chapel.
- 33:57A high-level cardinal at the Vatican bought the world's biggest gay bar with Church money, half a mile from the Church grounds.
- 34:29Tim claims widespread homosexuality exists openly in Rome among clergy, contradicting official Church suppression of the topic.
- 35:01The Vatican maintains a massive bank filled with old money and rooms containing works by artists like Francis Bacon.
- 35:23The book Papal Stan documents the Church's historical acquiescence with the Nazis and accumulated spooky dealings spanning centuries.
Francis BaconVatican BankPapal StanSistine ChapelVatican CityMount Carmel ChurchRomeShelter Island+1 more
- 3 min
Post-Election Politics, Standing Rock, and Oil Spills
#Discussion of post-election political hypocrisy on Facebook, going to Nevada to campaign, Standing Rock as symbolic protest, and the environmental toll of oil spills versus finding alternative energy.
9moments
- 36:06Tim describes meeting a Dr. Moreau-looking guy at a program meeting eating a McChicken and putting lotion on his legs while claiming women were falling all over him.
- 36:28People without shared experiences in sobriety meetings derail with unrelated personal stories, like an old lady saying she has nowhere else to go but drinks wine anyway.
- 36:57Tim became weirdly political after the election and called it Facebook-tier behavior when friends suddenly started posting activist content.
- 37:14Tim argues he'd rather have the stability of globalists than Trump, defending the case that Hillary would do more for the poor.
- 37:32People talk about going to pro-protests but don't actually do shit—they should give money, make calls, or go campaign in Nevada instead.
- 37:49Standing Rock was symbolic because the government already has six pipelines under there and will keep fucking people regardless.
- 38:04Everyone's looking for a savior like Elon Musk, but we need to find alternate energy sources and stop depending on one person to fix it.
- 38:18Oil spills are made into a big deal with death counts, but the impact on fishermen's lives and the environment isn't properly quantified or talked about.
- 38:29Fishing industry has robbed the sea in five years and you have to put quotas on them or they'll keep raping the ocean.
Hillary ClintonStanding RockDonald TrumpElon Musk
- 2 min
Disastrous Pitch Meetings and Sweating Through a Pitch
#Dan tells stories of disastrous TV pitch meetings, including a partner who had explosive diarrhea before a pitch, and discusses the importance of having a 'straight man' in a writing team.
6moments
- 39:13Tim pitches a show with a buddy and another guy who shows up drenched in sweat.
- 39:30The sweat-soaked partner excuses himself to the bathroom and is gone for 25 minutes during the pitch.
- 39:48Tim reflects on failing repeatedly in the entertainment business despite selling a couple of shows.
- 40:00Tim's problem in pitches: he talks too much and doesn't know when to stop.
- 40:14Successful pitches require a division of labor—a funny guy and a structure guy working together.
- 40:28Tim had a producer handle structure while he provided comedy, and that combination worked well.
- 3 min
Ray's Morgue Job and Touching Dead Bodies
#Ray recounts working as a morgue photographer who ended up cleaning and manipulating corpses' jaws and genitals for ID photos, despite only being contracted to take pictures.
8moments
- 41:12Tim notes he just sweats naturally, but his friend knew he actually wanted to touch the bodies at the morgue.
- 41:25The morgue staff deliberately placed a decomposed male corpse in the room, apparently to mess with him.
- 41:38Ray confirms he's fine around dead bodies and doesn't get bothered by it.
- 41:59Ray describes morgue work as not always peaceful—slow days involve things like washing old people who have died.
- 42:18Preparing ID photos requires manipulating the jaw of corpses to make them look presentable for families, not pained or afraid.
- 42:54Ray explains he sometimes has to massage and relax the jaw muscles under the smock to position the face correctly.
- 43:23Ray washes entire bodies with a soapy sponge for the ID photo, including genitals, treating them like any other part.
- 43:36Tim notes the job is genuinely interesting in how it handles the practical dignity of preparing the dead for families.
- 4 min
Overnight Security Job at the Met Museum
#Ray describes his overnight security gig at the Metropolitan Museum, including coworkers going stir-crazy, a fake math genius, a man named Snowplow yelling at imaginary stockbrokers, and stolen African art.
8moments
- 44:27Tim worked an overnight security shift at the Met Museum with a 90-year-old woman who used to work for a corrupt congressman and cleaned bodies.
- 44:48The Met hired him for security but later told him he needed a four-year college degree, which he didn't pursue.
- 45:14Working the graveyard shift seemed like a shitty nothing job that paid poorly.
- 45:28The first six months were actually great because you get solitude to work on your own projects, but then the lack of sunlight makes you go crazy.
- 45:41One of Tim's friends who worked nights started wearing one glove and got weird from not talking to people.
- 46:30He realized he should have just lied on his resume instead of being honest about his college credits.
- 46:52Museums feel spooky and scary to Tim because there are rooms full of art stolen from colonized countries.
- 47:15There was a guy at the Met who everyone thought was a math genius because he'd write formulas during lunch breaks.
the MetAfrican art repatriation
- 3 min
Dan's New Podcast American Monsters
#Dan discusses his career trajectory from the Met to comedy to LA, the cancellation of past podcasts, and previews his new podcast American Monsters covering figures like Sandusky and Timothy McVeigh.
6moments
- 47:28A mathematician guest dismisses the whole operation as bullshit, calling everyone crazy.
- 47:53A former Mormon started vomiting into his food during one appearance, and Tim kept trying to eat it afterward.
- 48:07Tim notes that all these unhinged people got hired instead of him.
- 48:23Tim got a rejection call on a tour bus in the rain when they told him he didn't have a four-year degree.
- 49:13Dan's launching a new podcast called American Monsters, going into detail each week about somebody monstrous in America.
- 49:43Tim does a bit insisting Sandusky is innocent and should be freed.
Jerry SanduskyAmerican MonstersSanduskyJames TaylorSeanMichael LawrenceNikki GlaserEvan Williams
- 3 min
Fantasy Careers: Vermont Radio Station and Televangelism
#Dan and Ray daydream about alternate careers -- Dan running a Vermont radio station with seeing-eye dogs, Ray becoming a novelist or televangelist, referencing Peter Popoff's miracle water scam.
7moments
- 50:11Tim's fantasy dream: get paid a couple hundred grand to run a Vermont radio station, raise seeing-eye dogs, and make his own coffee every morning.
- 50:35A rescue dog Tim tried to save ran away and chose the company of wild animals instead.
- 51:13Ray thinks he could be a good novelist, writing books about his own life.
- 51:29Tim imagines Ray showing up at Simon and Schuster with napkins he scribbled on, claiming he's written the great American novel.
- 51:51Ray mentions he sometimes thinks about going back into finance and sales, despite being thrown out of it.
- 52:13Tim loves Peter Popov, the televangelist who sells Miracle Springwater for fifty dollars at 3 a.m.
- 52:26Discussion of a televangelist who used to sell water that he dunked his feet into, which people would buy and drink.
Peter PopoffMike Pence
- 3 min
Timothy McVeigh, Waco, Ruby Ridge, and Scientology Rats
#Dan explains his American Monsters research into McVeigh's alt-right connections and the Waco/Ruby Ridge anniversary timing, then Tim pivots to defending Scientology and calling defectors 'rats.'
7moments
- 52:41Tim discusses selecting Timothy McVeigh for American Monsters because of his connections to the alt-right.
- 52:56Tim clarifies McVeigh wasn't involved in MK Ultra, distinguishing him from the Unabomber.
- 53:15The alt-right ideology around private land ownership is respectable as a Republican view, but their favorite books include the Turner Diaries and straight-up genocidal racism.
- 53:47McVeigh timed the bombing on the anniversary of Waco and Ruby Ridge, both controversial government operations.
- 54:23When the government acts like thugs, they give ammunition to extremists to justify their actions.
- 54:36The FBI accused David Koresh of raping children at Waco, but ignores the same crimes committed regularly by the Catholic Church and wealthy elites.
- 54:59Scientologists are kept relatively clean and handled gently by law enforcement, unlike smaller groups.
Timothy McVeighThe Turner DiariesWacoRuby RidgeDesert StormDavid KoreshScientologyMK Ultra+2 more
- 2 min
Satanic Temple and the Colonel's Church
#Riff on visiting satanic churches including the Temple of Set, and a running joke about a mysterious 'Colonel's Church' that Tim is scared to get too involved with.
6moments
- 55:17Tim calls out a celebrity for spending 35 years in Scientology before suddenly denouncing it once she became successful and made Hollywood connections.
- 55:37Scientology only has 50,000 Twitter followers despite one post getting 10 million views, yet Tim would take 50,000 committed cult members any day.
- 55:57Most LA assholes want to feel special and important through spirituality or religion, seeking food and shelter like hungry losers.
- 56:17Tim brings up the Satanic Temple in Northern California and suggests they should go visit it.
- 56:27The Colonel's Church gets introduced as a competing satanic establishment he thought about.
- 56:39Tim worries the Colonel won't kill him for visiting the church—what scares him is that he and his dad will actually join it.
- 3 min
Wrap-up discussing a good 2017 ahead, Dan's upcoming shows and Superior Donuts premiere, Tim's tour dates in San Diego, San Francisco, Caroline's, DC's Big Hunt, and Scotland's Glasgow Comedy Festival.
9moments
- 57:03Tim outlines his year: podcast, Montreal show, Jay O'Kerson's crowd work, and things going well so far.
- 57:24Clumps is no longer sleeping in an abandoned hospital and is now gainfully employed.
- 57:46Tim's booked to return to San Diego in April and will be at Punchline at the end of the month.
- 57:59American Monsters will air at some point; Tim writes for Superior Donuts on CBS, debuting in February with Katie Sagal and Dave Koechner.
- 58:14Tim will perform at the Stand tomorrow night at 10 p.m. and headline Caroline's for New Year's Eve.
- 58:27The Big Hunt in Washington DC is booked for the 11th and 12th, possibly extending to the 13th or 14th.
- 58:44Tim is heading to Scotland in March for the Glasgow Comedy Festival, his first time there.
- 58:57Tim will headline the Brokerage sometime in March; fans can check TimDillonComedy.com for all dates.
- 59:57Tim is trying to book David Icke as a guest for the new year but notes you have to pay up to get him.
Superior DonutsWashington DCCarolinesThe StandDavid IckeJay O'KersonScotlandGlasgow Comedy Festival+2 more
- 2 min
Trying to Book David Icke and Lizard People Debate
#They discuss trying to book conspiracy theorist David Icke for the show, his reptilian bloodline theories, and whether his ideas about elite families are rooted in anti-Semitism.
7moments
- 1:00:12Tim on getting David Icke to appear: worth ten million bucks to book him
- 1:00:29Suggests releasing a fake podcast where they praise David Icke and his ideas to get his attention
- 1:00:59Tim wouldn't debate Icke on the show—just let him lay out his worldview directly
- 1:01:14If you remove the lizards from Icke's theory, he's not entirely wrong about family bloodlines controlling things
- 1:01:26Tim pushes back on the easy critique that talking about financial power necessarily means antisemitism
- 1:01:43The idea of 400 families controlling major industries isn't wrong, but then Icke adds lizards to it
- 1:02:03Tim points out old American money families like DuPonts and Vanderbilts would also have to be lizards if the theory holds
- 3 min
Trump, Putin, and Realpolitik Closing Riff
#Closing rant predicting a brutal Trump era with internal fights over Russia, Putin's strategy of funding opposition to sow chaos, and a resigned conclusion about geopolitical hypocrisy before signing off and thanking Dan St. Germain.
9moments
- 1:02:24Tim predicts the Trump administration will be really bad, with fights between pro-KGB and anti-KGB factions
- 1:02:44One goal of civil war from Putin's perspective is installing enough of his people to create gridlock that benefits him
- 1:03:11Stock market likes a stalemated Congress for the same reason—nothing happening helps him too
- 1:03:28They were out to get Trump from the gate, but don't fuck with Putin because he plants child porn on your computers
- 1:03:55Russia funds opposition parties and protesters, then tells people they're doing it so nobody knows what's real
- 1:04:21You can't say Russia's evil while supporting the Saudi Arabian government—it's all realpolitik
- 1:04:43We've fucked with everybody's elections, they fuck with ours, but you have to have a conscience and also survive
- 1:04:59Tim compares moral consistency to walking and killing bugs—the contradictions are unavoidable in modern life
- 1:05:21Plugs for American Monsters podcast and upcoming live shows in the new year
Russian governmentVladimir PutinDonald TrumpSaudi Arabian governmentHypernormalizationUkraine