rant · moment 23 of 23
Thankfulness Closer: Middle East Peace, Chicago Shootings, and End of Humanity
from Wicked?, A Terrible Life, & The Golden Age Of Travel | The Tim Dillon Show #472 · #472
8 min
In a extended closing riff, Tim runs through things to be thankful for—sponsors, a Middle East peace agreement, not being shot in Chicago, not being kidnapped for crypto—building to a dark joke that everyone should appreciate their 'shitty little life' before robots and chaos take over.
- Tim expresses thankfulness for the Middle East peace agreement and urges people there to stop being knuckleheads.
- Seven people were shot in Chicago blocks away from Tim's hotel; he's thankful he wasn't one of them.
- Tim argues that shooting someone in Chicago actually makes you look cool and legitimizes you as a serious person.
- There are other ways to earn respect and attract women besides shooting people, they just take longer.
- Every day in America that you're not randomly shot is something worth being thankful for.
- Tim catalogs threats to be grateful for avoiding: tick-borne illness, MK Ultra assassins, mysterious deaths in national parks.
- Be thankful your child hasn't called to say a friend got shot at school, because in America these are real possibilities.
- Tim's friend woke up with a gun in her mouth during a home invasion robbery for designer bags.
- Soon robots will drag you out of your house and rape you on the lawn, so be thankful you can have a shitty little life now while humanity still exists.
- Tim closes by thanking the audience and clarifying he was joking about Israel blackmailing people.