News · moment 12 of 17
Crumble Cookies' Dirty Soda Diabetes Scheme (Halloween III Comparison)
from Trump’s Bimbos, Live-Streamed Executions, & Crumbl Cookies | The Tim Dillon Show #517 · #517
9 min
News
Tim details Crumble Cookies' sales collapse and their ill-fated 186-gram-of-sugar 'dirty soda' launch, comparing the company's scheme to addict children to the plot of Halloween III: Season of the Witch.
- Crumble Cookies exploded with viral drops and influencer marketing, creating artificial scarcity the way clothing brands do.
- Internal documents show Crumble sales down 70% in two years, foot traffic down 32%, and 57 stores closed this year.
- Tim compares Crumble's strategy to Halloween 3, where a mask company uses witchcraft and a Stonehenge chip to kill children on Halloween night.
- Crumble introduced dirty sodas as a turnaround strategy, predicting a 20% sales boost but triggering massive backlash instead.
- A 32-ounce dirty soda contained 186 grams of sugar—more than 19 donuts—sparking online outrage about marketing liquid garbage to kids.
- Dirty sodas originated in Utah as a workaround for Mormon cultural norms against coffee and alcohol.
- Tim argues Crumble deliberately tried to addict children to sugar to create long-term junkies rather than just sell a pandemic trend.
- Critics called the beverages a metabolic disaster and compared Crumble's strategy to a drug dealer handing out free heroin to create addiction.
- This is Halloween 3—corporations are legally allowed to introduce drinks designed to give children diabetes within weeks.
- Tim argues the Crumble CEO should face Senate hearings and jail time for the deliberate health attack on children.
Crumble Cookiesdirty sodasJason McGawanHalloween 3RFK Jr