Episode 327 · Post-Ben
Free SBF | The Tim Dillon Show #327
Dec 18, 2022 · 1:02:21 · 541,000 views · 24 segments, 136 moments indexed
In this episode Tim rants about Sam Bankman-Fried and his alleged girlfriend in follow up to the new trial presenting SBF and FTX.
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- 2 min
Fighting Anti-Semitism by Defending Sam Bankman-Fried
#Tim opens with a mock-serious PSA about anti-Semitism, pivoting into an ironic defense of Sam Bankman-Fried, framing criticism of him as bigotry while reading a New York Times profile about crypto "nomads" evading regulators offshore.
3moments
- Tim argues that anti-Semitism is pervasive throughout American culture, not limited to figures like Kanye West.
- The vitriol directed at Sam Bankman-Fried is actually anti-Semitism, and people hate him because he's Jewish.
- If anti-Semitic attacks on young entrepreneurs like Bankman-Fried aren't called out, the next generation won't pursue their dreams of offshore crypto operations.
- 4 min
The Billionaire Charity Scam Playbook
#Riffing on the NYT article, Tim argues that billionaire philanthropy (Bill Gates, SBF's Biden donations) is really a laundering scheme for money and image, and that ultra-wealthy people are never satisfied even after buying everything.
6moments
- New York Times article profiles Sam Bankman-Fried as a crypto nomad setting up offshore exchanges beyond U.S. regulatory reach
- Bankman-Fried, 29 years old and worth $8 billion on paper, operates around the clock from Hong Kong watching the crypto crash unfold
- Tim describes Bankman-Fried as a nomad who is funny, exciting, new, and sexy
- Bankman-Fried portrayed in media as philanthropist wanting to help poor people and was second-largest donor to Biden's campaign
- Tim's pitch: if you're wealthy and doing something wrong, just pretend to give money to charity and the whole system services you
- The charity scam is designed to help rich people launder their money and rehabilitate their image
Sam Bankman-FriedcryptocurrencyFTXBill GatesJoe BidenHong KongNew York Times
- 4 min
Activist Billionaires, Peter Thiel and Elon Musk
#He expands on how billionaires like Peter Thiel and Elon Musk use money and platforms to control culture rather than just enjoying wealth, then circles back to SBF's stated goal of "making as much money as I can and donating as much as I can."
7moments
- Tim explains why billionaires claim to solve world problems: they're either sinning or covering something up.
- Activist billionaires with a conscience are worse than those who just buy yachts, because they develop a God complex and want to control how people live.
- Both right and left deploy this strategy—Peter Thiel funds candidates while Elon Musk bought Twitter and lives on it for attention.
- Even after making their fortunes, billionaires aren't satisfied; having their names on colleges, arenas, and schools isn't enough.
- What billionaires really want is a larger role in your life and the choices you make.
- Sam Bankman-Fried, a 28-year-old crypto billionaire, claims his goal is to make as much money as possible and donate as much as possible.
- The twist: Bankman-Fried plans to give away only half his billions, but only after he finishes reinvesting in his expanding empire.
- 2 min
Caroline Ellison's Looks and the FTX Money-for-Sex Angle
#Tim reacts to photos and quotes of Caroline Ellison, joking crudely about what $32 billion should buy you in terms of physical attractiveness and mocking the pairing of SBF and Ellison.
5moments
- Sam Bankman-Fried's girlfriend Caroline Ellison has flipped on him.
- The manatee-shaped mailbox comparison and the lacrosse player hypothetical.
- This is what the money was for—the lying, cheating, bean-bag living, and regulatory evasion.
- Tim preempts criticism by acknowledging he's making fun of a woman's appearance, then justifies it because they're criminals who stole everyone's money.
- Both of them are ugly, and Bankman-Fried got fat on top of it.
- 3 min
He describes the coindesk report about the FTX/Alameda inner circle living together in a Bahamas penthouse with overlapping romantic relationships, joking about a "crypto sex cult" running the operation.
7moments
- Caroline Ellison, 28-year-old CEO of Alameda Research, is flipping on Sam Bankman-Fried after meeting with regulators.
- Bankman-Fried and Ellison were part of a cabal of roommates in a luxury Bahamas penthouse running the machinations of FTX and Alameda behind the scenes.
- Tim asks if we can admit what happens when you get Jeffrey Epstein out of the game—now this replaces it.
- The inner circle members were romantically paired up with each other, making it a crypto sex dungeon run by a gang of kids in the Bahamas.
- Caroline Ellison was spotted in a New York coffee house and is believed to be flipping on Bankman-Fried.
- Tim contemplates the absurdity: she fell in love, moved to the Bahamas, living in luxury, having sex constantly, and then he brings in more women and they run something together.
- The whole operation was him getting a few more hotties like her and running some kind of setup—Tim trails off trying to name what exactly it was.
Caroline EllisonSam Bankman-FriedAlameda ResearchFTX
- 2 min
Ugly People Do Heinous Things, and Ellison's Podcast Clip
#Tim theorizes that unattractive people who can't rely on looks end up doing terrible things for status, then plays and mocks a clip of Caroline Ellison talking about risk management with crude sexual jokes layered over it.
4moments
- Unattractive people, especially women without other skills, tend to do heinous things, while some unattractive men and women manage to live pious lives.
- When unattractive women want to be hot and can't achieve it, they end up losing 32 billion dollars for other people.
- Tim plays a clip of someone discussing comfort with risk and elementary school math as part of their explanation.
- Tim describes the group involved as "fun orgy people" after hearing their recorded conversation.
FDX
- 2 min
A sponsor read for Athletic Greens covering ingredients, energy benefits, climate-neutral certification, and the free one-year vitamin D offer.
4moments
- Tim says Athletic Greens gives him the energy to do these shows, and Rogan takes it along with all his friends.
- He brings it when he travels and does shows because he needs the energy to do podcasts.
- Tim claims many people he knows are strong and athletic—Olympians who run, swim, and fence—and they're part of a lifestyle that takes Athletic Greens.
- Athletic Greens is climate neutral certified and purchases carbon credits to protect old-growth rainforest.
- 3 min
Tim contrasts the soft media treatment of SBF (words like "troubled" instead of "thief") with the reality of his rat-infested Bahamas jail, and mocks his parents' request for vegan meals and comparisons to Epstein.
6moments
- Tim doesn't think SBF deserves what's happening to him—should get a stern talking-to and a six-month trading ban instead of jail.
- SBF is in a roach and rodent-infested jail in the Bahamas, and even the mainstream press feels bad for him.
- George Stephanopoulos expressed sympathy about SBF going from $32 billion to $100,000, but Tim points out he should ask about the ripping people off part.
- Media describes SBF's crimes as a 'meltdown' rather than using words like 'thief,' 'embezzler,' 'Ponzi scheme,' or 'liar.'
- SBF's parents, both Stanford professors, petitioned the jail to provide vegan meals for their son.
- The family's vegan meal request specified no bacon, eggs, meat, or fish—vegetables, spring rolls with peanut sauce, and his girlfriend Carolyn for stimulation.
- 2 min
He predicts SBF will be discarded by Democrats the way Christine Blasey Ford was after her Kavanaugh testimony, then narrates the bail hearing where the judge denies him release despite his vegan pleas.
5moments
- Tim on Sam Bankman-Fried: he's disposable to the Democratic party, unlike Epstein who had leverage through files and videos.
- Christine Blasey Ford accused Kavanaugh of sexual assault, it didn't work, he got confirmed, and the party threw her into the street.
- SBF will probably go down for fraud charges unless his lawyers convince the court he didn't intend the deception to happen.
- Judge denied SBF's $250,000 bail request, and he appealed by explaining he's a vegan and can't eat animal products.
- The chief magistrate ruled Bankman-Fried's access to financial resources made him too much of a flight risk to release.
Sam Bankman-FriedFTXBrett KavanaughChristine Blasey FordJeffrey Epstein
- 3 min
Should Vegans Even Go to Jail?
#A bit built on the absurd premise that SBF's veganism makes him too humane a person to belong in jail, segueing into Caroline Ellison flipping on him to save herself.
8moments
- A crypto CEO in the Bahamas showed up to court in disheveled clothes as a power move, like a nomad who doesn't need to shower.
- His parents, who live in a $10 million home he bought them, gave him a long hug when the courtroom cleared.
- Tim's premise: should vegans even go to jail, since they're humane people who refuse to harm animals?
- The crypto guy stole $32 billion from people—not animals—so by vegan logic maybe he shouldn't face consequences.
- His girlfriend Carolyn Allison is flipping on him now, ending their affair to save herself.
- Tim on running a Ponzi scheme with a partner: you have to be tight, and if you get caught, you have to kill them.
- One of the FTX guys, Mr. Wang, disappeared; another named Nish also got out before authorities could catch them.
- Tim's advice: SBF should have poisoned Carolyn Allison instead of letting her testify against him.
Sam Bankman-FriedCarolyn AllisonFTX
- 3 min
SBF Should Have Poisoned Caroline Ellison
#Tim escalates into a bit arguing SBF should have had Ellison killed before she could cooperate with the feds, comparing the situation to the show Billions and joking about following the case for "sex, fraud, and anti-Semitism."
6moments
- Tim says SBF should have poisoned Caroline Ellison.
- Caroline Ellison was found at a coffee shop in New York City, spotted by a barista on Twitter.
- She's flipping on SBF to the feds, like in the show Billions—confessing while wearing a wire.
- Report: Ellison, SBF's ex-girlfriend and former Alameda CEO, cooperated with prosecutors in the $8 billion FTX collapse.
- Tim on betrayal: you give someone a chance to be part of your Bahamian crypto sex call and they flip.
- The FTX scandal has everything Tim likes to cover—sex, fraud, and anti-Semitism to guard against.
Carolyn EllisonSam Bankman-FriedFTXAlameda Research
- 1 min
Sponsor read for Freeze Pipe, describing the freezable glycerin chamber that cools cannabis smoke, with a discount code mentioned.
3moments
- Freeze Pipe makes glass pieces that cool cannabis smoke by over 300 degrees, eliminating throat and chest burn.
- The secret is freezable glycerin chambers that chill smoke instantly when placed in the freezer for one hour.
- Use code DYLAN at freezepipe.com for 10% off, though Tim notes the code is spelled wrong as D-I-L-L-I-O-N.
Freeze PipeLauren Boebert
- 4 min
Tim goes deep on Lauren Boebert winning her Colorado recount, framing her and her husband as meth-adjacent white-trash criminals, and plays the 911 call about her husband driving over a mailbox during a domestic dispute.
9moments
- Lauren Boebert as a white trash Colorado lunatic whose husband has been arrested for exposing himself
- Boebert's arrest record shows multiple fights with cops; if she were Black she'd have been shot
- Boebert went from being a Denny's waitress to Congress despite her criminal history
- Her and her husband as local criminals who understand their meth-addicted constituency
- Jason Boebert caught on the 911 call driving recklessly and running over a neighbor's mailbox
- Republicans will accept anyone who gets votes, no matter how dangerous
- This will end in a Ruby Ridge-style standoff, and Republicans will defend them
- Boeberts embody the Christian meth contingent: people who believe in Jesus and violence simultaneously
- If Jesus came back, he'd tend bar in Colorado, not Denver, like Boebert did
- 2 min
He reads through Boebert's actual rap sheet: disorderly conduct at a country music festival defending underage drinkers, a truck rollover, failure to appear in court, and her restaurant "Shooters Grill."
6moments
- Lauren Boebert and her husband racked up arrests in her home district
- 2015: Boebert was cited for disorderly conduct at a country music festival after attempting to interfere in the arrest of minors busted for underage drinking
- Boebert claimed the revelers hadn't been read their Miranda rights and the arrest was illegal, then continued yelling and causing the underage drinkers to become unruly
- At the time, Boebert was running Shooters Grill in Rifle, Colorado and told people she had friends at Fox News who would make the arrest national news
- 2016: Boebert was charged with careless driving and operating an unsafe vehicle after rolling her truck into a ditch
- Boebert failed to show up to court, a warrant was issued, and she was booked on February 13, 2017, ultimately pleading guilty and paying $123.50 in fines
Lauren BoebertShooters Grill
- 1 min
Why Waiters Are Always on Drugs
#Tim riffs on a personal anecdote about a waiter friend who is constantly on drugs, theorizing there's something about the restaurant/catering industry that pushes workers toward extreme substance abuse.
2moments
- Tim observes that waiters, once off their shift, want to get dangerously high—on drugs to the point where they don't know if they're coming back.
- Catering waiters specifically have an even more intense compulsion to use hard drugs like heroin after working parties.
waitersTerence McKennaColorado
- 4 min
He reads from an article about waitstaff drinking and drug use on the job, riffing on cocaine culture in restaurants versus Wall Street and joking that crack is now an outdated drug compared to meth and pills.
11moments
- Tim's former coworker drank so heavily during a waitressing shift she stumbled visibly through service and was fired that night.
- The staff gathered at a casino Sportsbook after closing to decompress with drinks, cigarettes, and video poker, trading war stories about coworkers using drugs on the job.
- Tim knows a woman in the restaurant business who will use any drug available—describing her as a garbage head who just wants to be fucked up all the time.
- There's a curse about working in restaurants and catering where anyone with a predisposition to addiction will end up smoking crack.
- A young waiter Tim knows regularly texts him saying he's on so many drugs, which is treated as normal and unremarkable in that profession.
- Being extremely fucked up on your day off as a waiter and texting people about it is a well-established, normalized part of the job, like setting up a crypto office outside America.
- Tim observes that certain professions have people who are really fucked up all the time, while other jobs don't—it's job-specific.
- Without union representation, restaurant jobs have poor pay, inconsistent schedules, no insurance, and workers can be easily replaced when substance abuse affects performance.
- Tim pushes back on the observation that waiters use lots of drugs, asking why Wall Street cocaine use isn't discussed the same way, and notes he never did drugs as a waiter.
- Tim jokes that waiters love doing cocaine—just admit they enjoy throwing spinach dip on a table and then putting a key up their nose.
- Nobody even does crack anymore; it's retro—everybody's on meth or pills now, Tim's doctor confirmed.
restaurant workersWall Street
- 1 min
Sponsor read for ExpressVPN about hiding browsing activity from internet providers, tying it to a holiday "naughty list" joke, with signup instructions.
2moments
- Tim pitches ExpressVPN as protection from internet providers seeing your late-night searches, suggesting it as a holiday gift.
- ExpressVPN reroutes all traffic through encrypted servers so browsing activity stays private between you and God.
- 5 min
The Holiday "Show Us How Bad You Have It" Contest
#Tim launches an elaborate fake charity contest asking listeners to submit videos proving their lives are miserable enough to win $500, escalating into increasingly absurd and dark submission ideas.
9moments
- Tim launches a contest called "Show Us How Bad You Have It" where people submit videos proving their suffering to win money.
- He requests footage of people getting beat up, asking for evidence of violence in applicants' lives.
- Hospital-bound family members should be filmed and submitted as proof of hardship.
- Tim wants to see people on all fours eating cat food to qualify for the contest.
- He demands footage of caregiving situations with terminal illness, specifically requesting scenes of incontinence captured on camera.
- The judging standard: submissions winners are determined by which ones the judges cannot watch in full because they're too disturbing.
- Tim describes an example submission involving a skeletal baby with "the Bony disease" that applicants should match in terms of disturbing visual content.
- He rejects student loans as qualifying hardship but accepts night terrors where people wake up with knives and run around the house.
- Winners receive five hundred dollars after taxes, with Tim joking that the show will use his tax rate rather than the winners' rates.
- 2 min
FTX Scammers Should At Least Be Hot
#He argues that if you're going to get robbed by fraudsters, they should at least be attractive, lamenting that the FTX/Alameda crew are unattractive "gym socks" rather than glamorous con artists.
5moments
- Tim imagines SBF submitting a message from jail asking to go down on his girlfriend's 'yeasty pots.'
- SBF's vegan beliefs and attempt to get out of jail based on his dietary restrictions is ridiculous.
- Tim argues that fraudsters like these should just be shot, and that America tolerates this level of fraud because it likes criminals.
- The real problem is that the people robbing you now are gross and not even hot.
- Instead of a six-foot-five guy and a woman with big breasts, we're getting robbed by ugly nerds.
- 2 min
Woman Rink and the FTX Team Photo Roast
#A tangent about an ice rink ad transitions into Tim mocking a group photo of the FTX team member by member, joking about their appearances and who has already disappeared.
7moments
- Tim argues that ugly people at FTX should have at least helped the company by being attractive, claiming every single person in the group looked like a gym sock.
- Woman Rink team photo is described as beautiful and preferable to Rockefeller Center as a tourist destination.
- Tim wonders if he was hired by FTX after spotting someone who looks like him in the company photo.
- Tim breaks down specific people in the photo, noting one guy on the left and calling out a fourth person who seems aware of how bad things are.
- Gary Wang disappeared from FTX and fled like a thief in the night, unlike Sam Bankman-Fried who was caught quickly.
- Tim speculates that if SBF could have fled like other crypto billionaires, he would have disappeared rather than face arrest.
- Gary Wang and Nishad Singh were among the FTX executives expressing embarrassment and shame about the company.
- 3 min
Finding Gary Wang a Non-Extradition Country
#Tim researches missing FTX co-founder Gary Wang's background at MIT and Google, then starts listing non-extradition countries (Afghanistan, Morocco, Yemen, Cuba) where Wang could flee.
8moments
- Tim invites Gary Wang to appear on the show as FTX fugitive news breaks
- Gary Wang described as shady but critical player who met Sam Bankman-Fried at math camp in high school
- Wang's background: worked at Google building a flight price aggregation system before co-founding Alameda in 2017
- Wang identified as prominent suspect with root access to FTX exchange amid questions about client fund abuse
- Tim decides to recommend Gary Wang a non-extradition country to live in if he's listening
- Afghanistan listed as non-extradition option but dismissed as too difficult
- Morocco emerges as Tim's top recommendation for Wang over Vatican, Vietnam, Yemen, and Namibia
- Tim tells Wang to get a beautiful Moroccan villa where he won't be extradited to the United States
- 3 min
Real Estate Browsing in Morocco and Kabul for Wang
#He browses actual real estate listings in Morocco and Kabul, joking about villa prices and a bizarre bathroom-shower-toilet combo, recommending Wang settle into a life on the run there.
8moments
- Tim suggests browsing Morocco real estate, noting you could live like a king under a million dollars in Marrakesh.
- Better than jail — Tim evaluates a Moroccan villa as a practical option, then considers the higher-end market.
- Tim pivots to browsing Afghanistan real estate, expressing genuine interest in owning property in Kabul.
- Afghanistan is coming back like Detroit — Tim compares the war-torn country to a city on the rebound.
- The listing shows stains on the floor and concrete, which Tim interprets as evidence of past violence.
- Maybe he's wrong about Kabul — Tim admits the property search is finding decent options and notes you can trade cryptocurrencies from there.
- The bathroom has a shower positioned over the toilet, allowing someone to defecate and shower simultaneously.
- This is where crypto traders who lose everyone's money go — Tim identifies Kabul as a non-extradition treaty destination.
AfghanistanMoroccoSam Bankman-FriedKabulcryptocurrencyMarrakesh
- 1 min
Tim runs through upcoming tour stops including the Irvine Improv, Spotlight Casino in Indio, Stand Up Live in Phoenix, and Tucson, directing fans to buy tickets at timdilloncomedy.com.
3moments
- Tim hates the people and the club at Irvine Improv, wants sarin gas to kill the audience, but maybe this time will be different.
- Spotlight Casino in Indio is a big casino in the middle of nowhere; Tim suggests making it a trip and getting drugs.
- Stand Up Live in Phoenix in February is one of Tim's favorite clubs in the world, where he loves the leathered people of Arizona.
Carrie LakeIrvine ImprovStand Up LiveSpotlight Casino
- 1 min
Closing Riff: Poison Advice for SBF and Putin's Nuke Schedule
#Tim closes with a final joke reiterating that SBF should have had his partner silenced before she could flip, then pivots to a bit claiming he read that Putin has Wednesday scheduled to nuke the US.
2moments
- Tim advises Sam Bankman-Fried that if he's running a scam with his woman, they need to reach an understanding so she doesn't flip on him—suggests poisoning her as an alternative.
- Tim believes Putin has nuked the US scheduled for next week, says it's on Putin's calendar, possibly for Wednesday.