rant · moment 4 of 25
The Great Lake vs. Ocean Debate, Long Island vs. Westchester
from Bobby Kelly | The Tim Dillon Show #322 · #322
6 min
A long back-and-forth argument about whether lakes or oceans are better (sharks, hurricanes, drunk lake people), followed by dueling claims that Westchester and Long Island are each the superior place to live, ending in a shared fantasy about dying of AIDS to escape podcasting.
- Tim doesn't like the ocean and prefers lakes, though he admits he's only 10-12 minutes from a beach.
- Lakes are for men; oceans are for rich elites and the whitest of white people.
- Lakes don't have hurricanes or tsunamis like oceans do—when God sneezes on the ocean, your house gets wiped away.
- An app tracks great white sharks off Long Island, but they don't bother people.
- A great white shark placed in a lake would be disgusted and die immediately since they can't survive fresh water.
- Lakes like ones in Westchester with party coves are full of drunks on boats and drunk girls—garbage people and garbage lakes.
- The Northeast has civilized lakes where you can kayak, swim off a dock, see foliage, and ice skate in winter.
- Tim wants his guest to give the ocean another chance—you can't open your eyes in saltwater, but lakes let you see.
- Squam Lake in New Hampshire, where On Golden Pond was filmed, is the kind of beautiful, quiet lake he's talking about.
- Tim jokes about having AIDS and dying in six months, saying it would be great to die as a straight man and never do anything gay—but even HBO wouldn't give him a special for it.
Squam LakeLake AustinHoward SternOn Golden PondDonkey Kong Country