Episode 301 · The Ben Avery Era
Classic tier — a personal pick, not a popularity ranking#301 - Everyone Makes Mistakes | The Tim Dillon Show
Jun 5, 2022 · 1:53:01 · 585,000 views · 20 segments, 151 moments indexed
Tim talks about the last American love story, the Kardashian empire, the greatest piece of satire in the last decade, and Greg Norman siding with the Saudi golf tour.
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- 1 min
Cold Open: Clapper Board Nonsense
#Tim jokes around with sound checks, a clapper board, and pretends to be at SeaWorld before the show officially begins.
3moments
- Tim calls the clapper ritual fake theater to make it seem like you're doing something when you're not.
- Tim compares the clapper scene to SeaWorld seals being thrown fish as a reward.
- Tim yells that the clapper is what people are talking about, then settles down to start the show.
- 11 min
Tim and guests discuss golfer Greg Norman fronting the Saudi-backed LIV Golf tour, Phil Mickelson's gambling debts owed to his caddy Bones Mackay, and Norman's dismissive comments on the Khashoggi murder, spiraling into riffing on Saudi Arabia's culture, women's rights, and Beverly Hills excess.
11moments
- Greg Norman says Khashoggi's murder was just a mistake everyone makes.
- Saudis now own stakes in Live Nation, free speech, and real estate across America.
- Phil Mickelson got $40 million to jump from the PGA Tour to LIV Golf, allegedly to cover gambling debts.
- Players who defect to the Saudi tour get banned from the PGA Tour.
- Norman's defense: everyone makes mistakes, like torturing reporters on closed-circuit TV and learning how to do it better.
- Tim's take: caring about golf as an adult is absurd, like a former swimmer obsessing over competitive swimming.
- Mickelson plays massive golf bets with guys like Jordan, gambling on trick shots instead of using his skill.
- Tim expresses admiration for Saudi culture: rich people who smoke and quiet women.
- Tim argues Saudi Arabia's requirement for women to ask permission to travel might actually be a better system.
- Tim hopes LIV Golf becomes flashy and ostentatious Saudi-style instead of boring and waspy.
- American women traveling abroad just get drunk and falsely accuse sailors of rape, so why should Saudi women need to travel.
Greg NormanJamal KhashoggiWe wish them wellPhil MickelsonSaudi ArabiaLIV GolfPGA TourBones McCoy
- 11 min
The Greatest Influencer Podcast Ever Made
#Tim gushes over a clip of three LA influencers earnestly trying to define what an influencer or consultant even is, marveling at their sincerity, their claim that one of them 'invented comedy on the internet,' and comparing it to the WWE-adjacent 600lb diet guy podcast.
11moments
- Tim finds a podcast he can't stop watching, describing it as the greatest thing he's ever seen and the most LA thing imaginable.
- The influencers broke down the Russia-Ukraine situation without knowing what either of those places were, which Tim praises as a refreshing alternative to Twitter experts.
- Three influencers attempt to explain what being an influencer actually is, launching into confusing definitions.
- When asked what they do, one influencer admits she just lies and says she does consulting, which Tim notes shuts down follow-up questions.
- Tim watches them credit the woman in the middle with inventing comedy on the internet, calling it breathtaking satire whether intentional or not.
- The influencers list their various roles—writers, directors, editors, producers, actors, entrepreneurs—while one describes making content from bed without leaving it for a month.
- Tim argues that people who don't know what words mean are better at everything because they can claim to be anything.
- One influencer's father keeps calling her with viral video ideas and problematic suggestions, showing he gets what she does and wants to participate.
- The male influencer claims he can't think of anyone who made videos before TikTok, dismissing all prior video content.
- One of the influencers randomly interjects that her grandmother was in the Holocaust before pivoting back to asking if Doja Cat was good at Coachella.
- Tim compares this podcast to the WW Bros show, which featured a 600-pound man giving diet advice and saying he takes Thanksgiving off to eat.
Charlie ChaplinMartin ScorseseTerrence MalickinfluencersRussiaUkraineWW bro podcastTikTok+3 more
- 4 min
Tim reads a sponsor read for Every Man Jack men's grooming products, praising their natural scents and ingredients.
4moments
- Tim explains that what you put on your body is just as important as what you put in it.
- To be part of nature without having to be in it is absolutely amazing.
- Tim says he should take AlphaBrain.
- AlphaBrain is a daily nootropic that promotes focus, concentration, cognitive function, and memory.
- 1 min
Tim promotes Onnit's AlphaBrain nootropic supplement, describing its focus and memory benefits and the money-back guarantee.
- 2 min
They discuss a prank where pranksters AirDropped plane crash photos to passengers on a flight in Israel, causing a woman to faint, and riff about who would pull the prank (Nelk, 'Shmuel').
7moments
- Tim makes a joke about Israel's response to the plane prank being disproportionately bombing a Palestinian nursery school.
- Tim notes that plane pranks are ballsy and compares them to what Nelk has done.
- Tim recommends people do the AirDrop plane crash photo prank, calling it harmless and funny.
- Tim questions whether it matters who sent the photos, implying it's only concerning if sent by someone from a particular country.
- Nine suspects were arrested in connection with the prank, which Tim connects to the Nelk crew.
- Tim tries out a bit naming people who would do the AirDrop prank, starting with Shmuel.
- Tim acknowledges the bit is now working out as intended.
- 7 min
They read a news story about Andy Dick's arrest for sexual battery while living in an RV/trailer with live streamers, then watch and narrate a bizarre live-streamed standoff where his roommate pulls a gun on an alleged extortionist while Andy calmly says 'don't shoot the gun.'
10moments
- Andy Dick arrested for felony sexual battery at California trailer park after assaulting another man and hitting his boyfriend with a bottle and frying pan.
- Tim notes how rough it is to have an article written about you with the quote "Deputies swarmed his trailer."
- Tim compares the framing of Dick being "transparent" about his alcohol and drug abuse to Lizzo being "transparent" about her weight—it's not a choice, it's obvious.
- Video from a live stream shows Dick's roommate pulling a gun on someone at their trailer, with Andy Dick calmly lying on a cot unfazed.
- Andy Dick repeatedly says "Don't shoot the gun" during the standoff while his boyfriend screams at the intruder, staying remarkably calm on his cot.
- Boyfriend tells the intruder he's "so protective" and that it "makes me cry," creating an oddly romantic moment during the threatening confrontation.
- Tim notes that if he and his wife Devon were in a similar trailer situation with an extortioner, Devon would use him as a shield with no chivalry involved.
- Tim hopes Dick gets his life together and mentions he was on Dancing with the Stars and Celebrity Rehab years ago.
- Tim describes how Celebrity Rehab and its spin-off Sober House were an unserious attempt to cure drug addicts while using them for viewers.
- Talk turns to other celebrities who appeared on the show like Jeff Conaway.
Andy DickLizzoSober HouseCelebrity RehabDancing with the Stars
- 3 min
Celebrity Rehab Flashback: Jeremy Jackson, Heidi Fleiss, and the Cast
#Prompted by Andy Dick, they recall the cast of VH1's Celebrity Rehab and Sober House, including the Baywatch actor's steroid habit, Heidi Fleiss, and Mackenzie Phillips.
5moments
- Jeremy Jackson, who played young Hobie on Baywatch, was on Celebrity Rehab talking about the steroids and pre-slaughter hormones he injected.
- Heidi Fleiss and Mackenzie Phillips from The Mamas & the Papas were among the cast of celebrities on the show.
- Tim asks whether anyone from Celebrity Rehab has actually sobered up, noting that without relapse there's no show.
- When asked where the Celebrity Rehab stars are now, the answer is bleak—many are dead.
- Dr. Drew now hosts Late Late Night After Dark with Dr. Drew on Your Mom's House, doing problem-focused interviews like his old show format.
Celebrity RehabDr. DrewHeidi FleissJeremy JacksonTom SizemoreMindy McCreadyMackenzie PhillipsEric Roberts+1 more
- 1 min
They read through updates on former Celebrity Rehab cast members, several of whom died by overdose or suicide, grimly noting the show never actually helped anyone.
2moments
- Mike Starr died of an overdose after appearing on Celebrity Rehab—Tim blames Dr. Phil.
- Seth Binzer is still alive and hasn't given up, distinguishing him from other cast members.
Dr. PhilMike StarrMindy McCreadyCelebrity RehabSeth Shifty Shellhammer Binzer
- 9 min
The Evolution of Reality TV: From Real Housewives to Singing Shows
#Tim traces reality TV's shift from shows exploiting addicts and showcasing gaudy Real Housewives wealth (with a riff on Orange County's mortgage-crisis-era cast) to today's infantilized singing/guessing shows like I Can See Your Voice, mocking how little substance modern audiences can handle.
9moments
- Early reality TV took people in pain, showed their conditions degenerate week after week, and filmed them destroying their lives with a crew following.
- The genre shifted to wealthy people with obscene amounts of money, flaunting it in grotesque ways while viewers are forced to like it.
- Season 1 of Real Housewives of Orange County is the best cultural depiction of the mortgage crisis, featuring mentally unstable millionaires who somehow own five houses each.
- Reality TV evolved from getting drunk people in a house to showing that there are people doing way better than you, which became the format's core appeal.
- Ken Jeong hosts I Can See Your Voice, a show where contestants guess if someone is a good singer without hearing their actual voice, just watching them lip sync.
- The entire concept of modern reality TV is intellectually just watching people sing in a basic talent show format, and the prize is only 100 grand with no real career consequence.
- Real Housewives debuted in 2005 at the height of the mortgage crisis, when millions were in sham mortgages and debt, right before everything collapsed.
- Selling Sunset is a brilliant show because producer Adam DeVello is a genius who knows how to frame scenes—like watching cold Nordic real estate developers silently judge someone who can't sell anything.
- Tim pitches a masked government whistleblower show where two people reveal classified information and viewers have to guess which conspiracies are real, hosted by Neil Patrick Harris to make it peppy.
The Real Housewives of Orange CountySelling SunsetAdam DeVelloI Can See Your Voicereality televisionKen JeongThe HillsFlavor Flav+2 more
- 2 min
Tim reads an ad for the Exodus crypto wallet app, tying in commentary about Canada freezing protesters' bank accounts and inflation.
3moments
- Tim pivots from Exodus features to Canada's account-freezing policy for vaccine mandate protesters, arguing financial institutions can freeze accounts without proof.
- Bitcoin presented as a life raft while the traditional financial system sinks due to inflation, wage stagnation, and government money printing to the wealthy.
- Tim acknowledges crypto is collapsing but insists it will clearly stay around long-term.
- 2 min
Tim and guest promote Athletic Greens supplement powder, covering its ingredients, reviews, and charitable donations.
5moments
- Tim asks if the other person has tried Athletic Greens.
- The product supports sleep quality, mental clarity, and recovery, costs less than $3 a day, and has over 7,000 five-star reviews.
- The founder created Athletic Greens after struggling with gut health issues that required a hundred-dollar-a-day supplement routine.
- Athletic Greens is climate-neutral certified and donated 1.2 million meals to kids in need through No Kid Hungry in 2020.
- New customers get a free year supply of vitamin D and five travel packs with their first purchase at athleticgreens.com/timdillon.
Athletic GreensMichael GervaisTim Ferriss
- 17 min
They narrate the real story of Alabama corrections officer Vicky White who helped inmate Casey White escape, sold her home, and eventually died by suicide after an 11-day manhunt, riffing extensively on it as an American love story and imagining a gritty movie adaptation.
15moments
- Tim calls the corrections officer-inmate escape one of the only American real love stories left.
- America is a country of morbidly obese fentanyl addicts and child Nazis.
- Tim argues corrections officers and criminals are barely different—they run fight clubs, sneak drugs, and assault inmates.
- Breaking inmates out of jail and sleeping with them qualifies as exemplary work for a corrections officer.
- Tim describes the appeal: a murderer's dangerous reputation makes him attractive to the officer.
- Politicians now pretend red states and rural areas are better than New York and LA, but nobody actually wants to live there.
- Austin, Texas is worse than Malibu despite locals lying about it being beautiful.
- Tim shows a photo of Lake Austin—it looks like a Donkey Kong level filled with green slime.
- Vicky sold her home, announced retirement, then picked up Casey from jail claiming a mental health evaluation that was never scheduled.
- Tim wonders why they stopped at a car wash while fleeing—were they trying to rob people or just trying not to look dirty?
- Police chased them down, crashed into their getaway car, and Vicky shot herself in the head.
- Tim imagines Vicky prevented them from having sex before capture, believing they had their whole lives ahead.
- During their escape, Vicky pitches buying a house in Austin because Joe Rogan opened a comedy club and Elon Musk allows slurs on Twitter.
- Tim celebrates it as a beautiful American love story that should become a film.
- The movie should feature really gross people and explicitly animalistic sex scenes with open wounds and sounds of pain.
Casey WhiteVicky WhiteAustinLauderdale County JailBill MaherJoe RoganElon MuskGavin Newsom+4 more
- 2 min
Tim reads an ad for Keeps hair loss treatment, including an anecdote about a friend who used it successfully.
2moments
- Tim begins Keeps hair loss ad, emphasizing prevention before hair loss occurs.
- Tim tells story about a friend who noticed hair falling out in bed and started using Keeps with positive results.
- 1 min
Tim and guest promote their YouTube/Twitter channels and reminisce about making costumed comedy videos (crab, Epstein temple) that he feels he's now too old for.
4moments
- Tim says he's not going to make videos anymore or dress up like a hand sanitizer.
- He's too old to run around in costumes like a crab, doing bits about what the crab is saying.
- Tim describes the old costume videos: wigs, dressing as women, a corona ball, foam costumes including an Epstein temple.
- He explains that bigger videos require money and good ideas behind them, so they've had to scale back.
- 3 min
Booking a Musical Guest: Maud Le Tour and Pulling Music Off Spotify
#They joke about who could realistically be booked as a musical guest for the show, landing on lesser-known artist Maud Le Tour, and riff on the idea of musicians dramatically pulling their music off Spotify.
7moments
- Tim explains the show needs musical guests to become a real late-night format.
- The Lumineers guy is supposedly a fan, but they're too big to actually book.
- Maud Le Tour emerges as a potential musical guest they discovered on an LA marquee.
- Playing her song would cost them money through Spotify royalties, so Tim refuses to air it.
- Tim imagines the absurdity of Maud Le Tour pulling her music off Spotify like a major artist taking a stand.
- Ariana Grande supposedly would announce her Spotify boycott in Spanish, despite being Italian.
- Debate over whether Ariana Grande looks good without makeup, with disagreement on her actual attractiveness.
Ariana GrandeMaud Le TourThe LumineersJoni Mitchell
- 2 min
Ariana Grande's Face and Celebrity Plastic Surgery
#The group debates celebrity appearances without makeup, spray tans, and general plastic surgery trends among reality stars.
5moments
- Tim notes that celebrities are doing fillers, injections, and plastic surgery, pointing to fake asses and new heads as examples.
- Tracy Tutor from Million Dollar List got a completely new head, and Tim says if he had that kind of money he'd get one too.
- Khloe Kardashian got a new head, not just a nose job—it's more extensive than that, chin and all.
- Tim argues that if you're going to be on television, getting plastic surgery makes sense if you can afford it and it makes you feel better.
- Bad plastic surgery is visible everywhere in LA—you can see the hack jobs.
Tracy TutorKhloe Kardashian
- 5 min
BBLs, Tracy Tutor's 'New Head,' and Buying Ben an Ass
#Extended riff on Brazilian butt lifts, botched BBL surgeries, Tracy Tutor and Khloe Kardashian's alleged surgical transformations, and Tim jokingly offering to buy Ben a BBL.
10moments
- Tim admits he's looked into getting a BBL.
- He explains there are two kinds of BBLs: invasive and non-invasive.
- Tim proposes buying Ben a Brazilian butt lift as a gift for the show.
- Ben asks if he can have the BBL removed later, then clarifies he means getting it cut off, which Tim finds absurd.
- Tim describes what happens when BBLs go wrong: cheeks exploding or ending up uneven.
- The procedure has one of the highest death rates of all surgeries, particularly when done in non-reputable places like Mexico.
- Tim explains a BBL uses the patient's own fat extracted through full-body liposuction and then injected into the buttocks.
- Tim proposes harvesting fat from obese people to solve both the obesity crisis and make BBLs cheaper for Instagram models.
- Tim claims Kim Kardashian got too much done and it looks really bad.
- Tim notes the Kardashians promote certain cosmetic doctors on Instagram daily but won't admit to actually going to them.
Kim KardashianClubhouseKardashiansBen AveryArielDr. GhavamiNicole Benisti
- 26 min
The Kardashian Empire: Kris Jenner's Master Plan and Kim for Governor
#A long, sprawling discussion covering the Kardashians' rise via the leaked sex tape, comparisons to the Hiltons, Gina Rinehart as a bigger fortune, speculation about Kim Kardashian running for governor or appearing on Joe Rogan's podcast, and the resurfaced story of Khloe reconnecting with a homeless man named Shorty and getting him an apartment.
28moments
- Kim Kardashian is a businesswoman and savvy operator, but in an alternate timeline she'd just be a rich wife in Glendale.
- The Hiltons tried to build the same kind of empire—Paris, Nicole Richie—but nobody got close to what the Kardashians achieved.
- Kris Jenner is the glue holding the family together and keeping everyone in check.
- The Kim Kardashian sex tape was bad even by the standards of its era—barely visible and not impressive quality.
- Kris Jenner watched her friend Nicole Brown Simpson get murdered, which may have driven her to build an empire where women didn't have to rely on men.
- Before releasing Kim's sex tape, Kris Jenner might have calculated that within twenty years, they'd all be billionaires.
- The Kardashians have actually done more for people on a material level than most celebrities who release footage online and get nothing.
- Tim believes Kim Kardashian could be governor of California and would be better than Gavin Newsom.
- People need bling, appletinis, tuna tartare with wontons, and white parties—and Kim understands this about the human condition.
- Caitlyn Jenner's gubernatorial run is a totally unserious attempt, while Kim is watching and considering doing it for real.
- Kim studied law and shows signs of genuine interest in politics, suggesting she wants to expand from celebrity into actual power.
- Kim's message that women need to go out and work resonates with people, despite critics calling it insensitive.
- The Kardashians reconnected with Shorty, a homeless man they knew from season one, giving him an apartment after thirteen years on the street.
- Khloe was repeatedly tweeted at by fans asking if Shorty was still alive, so she tracked him down through producers.
- Fans sent Khloe pictures of Shorty on the street, asking if he was doing well and wanting to help him.
- After thirteen years on the street, Shorty will likely use his new apartment to do heroin safely with a roof over his head.
- The Kardashians' new show on Hulu is elevated compared to their E! series because they're billionaires and it shows in production value.
- The Kardashians represent the most powerful force in Los Angeles and possibly the entire country.
- Tim bought a cheap Wrangler and quit smoking over it.
- The Kardashians intelligently utilized every tool available to them in ways others wouldn't have thought to.
- Australian billionaire Gina Rinehart, the richest woman in the world from mining, makes more money than the Kardashians and could buy and sell them.
- The Kardashians should expand into mining and natural resource domination as their next business venture.
- The Kardashians' audience includes environmentalists interested in renewable energy despite their broader mainstream appeal.
- Tim used to think he should mock the Kardashians because that's a comedian's job, but now wants to ride to the moon with them on a nuke.
- Rich people don't care about stand-up comedy at all; they just dismiss comedians entirely.
- The Kardashians are always conscious of their brand image, making it hard to imagine what an honest lunch with them would be like.
- Tim wrote a viral Facebook post comparing the Kardashian and Hilton dynasties as competing power families in America.
- The Kardashians are the first family of America—they never go nuts on planes, have diversity in the family, and represent perfect new money connected to hip-hop, sports, and fashion.
Kim KardashianKris JennerCaitlyn JennerGavin NewsomHiltonsNicole Brown SimpsonShortyGina Rinehart+9 more
- 5 min
Kardashian Podcast Pipe Dream and Show Sign-off
#They fantasize about turning the show into an all-Kardashian podcast, joke about inviting Caitlyn Jenner or Kim on, discuss launching a shady energy drink/beverage brand, and close out mocking Devon Costa before saying goodnight.
10moments
- Tim wonders why Joe Rogan doesn't have Kim Kardashian on his podcast.
- Fame creates a cocoon where famous people can only relate to other famous people, so Tim moved to Austin to be around simple people like Sandra Bullock and Matthew McConaughey.
- Sign-off: Tim directs viewers to his website and thanks everyone who watches the show.
- Joe Rogan revealed he would have Kim Kardashian on, and Tim extends an invitation to any of the Kardashians to appear on his show.
- Tim jokes about turning the show into a Kardashians podcast to avoid unprofitability.
- Caitlyn Jenner has tried to get on Rogan multiple times, but Joe may avoid having her because she'd need to be treated as a legitimate political candidate.
- Caitlyn's gubernatorial run was just a fun thing; she left it to do Celebrity Big Brother instead.
- The Kardashians are the most powerful force in the world, bridging the gap between mainstream and independent success while being accepted by all institutions.
- The show lacks a branded energy drink like Logan Paul and Nelk have, so Tim considers starting one with a shady food and beverage company.
- Tim had a call with Devon Costa and describes him as ungrateful and shockingly out of it, suggesting he should go back to working at the pet store.
Kim KardashianCaitlyn JennerDevin CostaMatthew McConaugheySandra BullockElon MuskJoe RoganNELK+1 more