Episode 188 · The Ben Avery Era
#188 - Best of Patreon Vol. 1 | The Tim Dillon Show
Feb 23, 2020 · 1:47:18 · 65,000 views · 7 segments, 87 moments indexed
- 2 min
The producer introduces this compilation episode, explaining he pulled favorite excerpts from six Patreon bonus episodes and plugs the $5/month Patreon with 145 archive episodes and guest interviews.
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- Best of Patreon Vol. 1 compilation is being introduced
- Patreon membership at $5/month includes bonus RSS feed with new episodes
- Archive includes 145 old episodes with interviews featuring CIA agents, historians, and comedians
- Roughly 29 bonus episodes feature guests like Ari Shaffir, Papa's, Christina Papadimitriou, and other comedians
Ray KumpNick BryantRuss BakerChrista StefanoGavin McInnesJessica Red
- 18 min
Bill and Hillary's Last Kill
#From an August 2019 bonus episode, Tim riffs on the Jeffrey Epstein 'suicide,' arguing the Clintons and other elites surely knew about the island, then spins an elaborate fantasy of Bill and Hillary Clinton celebrating their 'last kill' with pancakes, blood aftertaste, and dancing to Fleetwood Mac.
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- Clinton and Epstein: Tim argues that as a Rhodes Scholar, Clinton would have known what was happening on Epstein's island given his intelligence and political savvy.
- Tim explains why intelligence agencies and crime families use child sexual abuse as a method of control and blackmail throughout history.
- A new Epstein island is coming, Tim jokes, bigger and better than the last one, with waterslides that feed into furnaces.
- Choosing to stay asleep or wake up: Tim contrasts the comfortable ignorance of watching Good Morning America with the reality that powerful people commit terrifying crimes.
- William Barr and the investigation: Tim mocks bringing a forensic pathologist involved with JFK and OJ cases, then joking about putting Henry Kissinger in charge to find the truth.
- Imagining Bill and Hillary's reaction when they found out about Epstein's death, assuming they discovered it on the news.
- Tim pictures Bill and Hillary cooking pancakes with a faint aftertaste of blood, having just dodged another bullet—probably their last one as they age.
- Dancing to Fleetwood Mac's "Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow" in Chappaqua while Epstein's death plays on television behind them.
- Tim says he would vote for Bill and Hillary repeatedly because they proved they could make something happen in the tightest security jail cell, earning his respect.
- Bill and Hillary celebrating their latest kill brings Tim to tears because they represented his childhood and his boomer parents' future, and something in him dies with them.
Jeffrey EpsteinBill ClintonHillary ClintonWilliam BarrHenry KissingerGeorge W. BushLittle Saint JamesChelsea Clinton+2 more
- 4 min
Remembering Carl Ruiz
#Tim reflects on the death of chef/comedian Carl Ruiz, praising his genuine love for working-class people and food culture, then pivots to a riff on Greta Thunberg being unfairly attacked compared to Trump.
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- Tim describes Hillary Clinton's post-election ritual involving blood smoothies and hot sauce.
- Tim imagines the Clintons having a melancholic moment after a successful operation, realizing it may be their last.
- He lists their alleged victims, from Vince Foster onward, establishing a pattern of eliminating enemies.
- Tim paints a domestic scene: the Clintons in their Chappaqua mansion drinking red wine and watching coverage.
- George W. Bush and Prince Andrew allegedly text them celebratory emojis following the operation.
- Tim traces the demons' disappearance back through cultural artifacts—the Monterey Ranch chicken sandwich and 1990s economic prosperity.
- 15 min
"Put It On The Ham": The Boston Market Meltdown
#Tim tells a childhood story about sneaking a third side (cinnamon apples) at Boston Market by demanding workers 'put it on the ham,' leading to a screaming meltdown that made kitchen staff and a manager react, which he now claims to whisper before every big performance.
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- Tim reflects on moments when you realize you need to get out of a situation—a party, a relationship, a job.
- Tim talks about Karl Ruiz, a comedian who genuinely loved working-class people and the food they ate, without pretending.
- Unlike many entertainers, Tim claims to have never pretended to like working-class people and has been honest about being interested in the rich instead.
- Karl understood the role food played in the lives of people without much money—it was an escape and indulgence they could actually afford.
- Tim describes Karl's hashtag-reason approach to life and recounts how Karl tweeted for someone to meet him at the train station with cigarettes.
- Tim wishes Karl had been around longer and argues that you have to moderate yourself to live a longer life, but Karl's passion for living was genuine.
- Tim pivots to saying Greta Thunberg should be put in jail, comparing her presence with Trump in society as deeply immoral.
- Food is a drug for working people—a small indulgence of hot, salty, fatty, sugary comfort after a hellish job.
- Tim was raised by Boomers who prioritized convenience and easy food like Pizza Hut and fast food, shaping his entire relationship with eating.
- At Boston Market after dance class, Tim would order ham and sneak a third side by saying "put it on the ham," leading to a chaotic scene with a confused worker.
- Tim started screaming "put it on the ham" to a new Boston Market employee who didn't understand, causing the kitchen staff to chant it back and making the worker cry.
Donald TrumpKarl RuizGreta ThunbergBoston MarketMcDonald'sKentucky Fried ChickenLong Island Rail Road
- 37 min
Beverly Hills Cop: Touring Dark Money and Epstein's Financial Web
#Driving through Beverly Hills and North Beverly Park with Ben, Tim narrates the absurd wealth of the homes, explains how the ultra-rich make money through finance, tech, and resource extraction, dives into foreign shell-corp money laundering via real estate, the Panama Papers, and ties it all back to Jeffrey Epstein's alleged role as a money launderer for the elite, mentioning Les Wexner and his accountant's mysterious death.
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- Most Beverly Hills wealth isn't from lawyers and doctors—it's finance, tech, resource extraction, and foreign money.
- Tim jokes about a solid black house in Beverly Hills where nothing satanic is happening despite the basement.
- Hedge fund managers like David Tepper make unfathomable sums—his personal income was 3.5 billion in one year alone.
- Tim reveals how he researched wealthy residents while tour-guiding in New York, discovering people like Louise Crane whose family sold the paper currency was printed on.
- Foreign money replaced domestic money after the 2008 crisis, with 60-70% of new London construction bought by non-residents and shell corporations.
- Wealthy people are hoarding cash now because they know what's coming—they make it happen through the system before anyone else finds out.
- Shell corporations exist to avoid taxes and launder money through real estate, a well-known but intensifying practice.
- Epstein's main function was money laundering—cleaning dirty money from drugs, human trafficking, and corporate malfeasance across the financial system.
- Les Wexner's accountant, who would have testified about offsoring profits, was killed in a mafia-style hit in broad daylight.
- The CIA uses illicit black-budget money and admitted to spying on the Senate Intelligence Committee to hide underground activities.
- Tim pitches his healthcare proposal: immigrants needed to care for retiring boomers, but can't accept everyone or it breaks the economy.
- Real healthcare reform requires outlawing Denny's, IHOP, and Carl's Jr., with military stationed outside to enforce dietary restrictions.
- Denny's salted caramel banana cream pancake breakfast clocks in at 1,430 calories—just one item at America's Diner.
- Grand Slam sandwich contains 1,150 calories with scrambled eggs, sausage, bacon, ham, and American cheese on potato bread.
- Fast food industry is as much a threat to public health as weapons and pharmaceutical industries, but nobody discusses it seriously.
- If everyone's on a public healthcare program, there should be a rationing card tracking daily consumption of burgers and desserts.
Jeffrey EpsteinCarl's Jr.Denny'sDavid TepperLes WexnerNorth Beverly ParkHeart Attack GrillIHOP+22 more
- 31 min
Toronto Live: Healthcare, Denny's Menu, and Becoming a Rap/DJ Artist
#In a live Toronto recording with Ray, Tim riffs on American decline and royalty, then launches into a bit about fixing healthcare by outlawing Denny's/IHOP/Carl's Jr. menu items (reading actual calorie counts), jokes about becoming a DJ dressed as a baby, mocks modern pop stars like Billie Eilish and Doja Cat, tells a story about Houston theater kids and his cousin Broadway composer Bobby Lopez, and closes by improvising a mock rap song about being a recording artist.
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- Tim compares American government to professional wrestling with people hitting each other with chairs.
- The ruling class is losing power and doesn't know what to do anymore, evidenced by Bloomberg trying to buy electors.
- Tim mocks a kid majoring in social work, describing it as bureaucratic theater that makes situations worse.
- Trump will probably win again; Bernie Sanders has a messianic appeal but won't get anything done.
- The left wants to take away assault rifles while the ruling class starts wars whenever they want.
- Tim envisions himself as a DJ dressed like a baby, spinning records in a crib at LA clubs where people are so drugged they'd think it's avant-garde.
- Modern music is degrading; artists like Billie Eilish sing about demonic possession while late-night hosts praise them.
- There's no aspirational art anymore; everyone wants relatable content from damaged people, not artists with actual training.
- The government wants people fat with rotten teeth, which is why they made everyone drink diet coke.
- Poutine from McDonald's in Canada is disappointing; Montreal has better versions.
- Tim's fame intimidates people from high school, and he gets mobbed for photos when returning to Long Island for bagels.
- He creates a parody of Billie Eilish's dark lyrics, with her singing about Satan being her father while Jimmy Fallon awkwardly approves.
- Tim has only lived in New York or LA and can't envision living elsewhere, even though those are unhealthy environments.
- A four-year-old from India wrote saying villagers watch the show on one computer and cancelled other subscriptions after he left.
- The Indian kid's letter describes living in garbage towns while watching Tim smoke cigarettes in LA, finding meaning in the hopelessness.
- Tim does money and fame for himself, not altruism, and anyone who says otherwise is lying.
- Tim regrets not going to college where he'd be the cool drama teacher at a liberal arts school instead of his actual career.
- He enjoys cutting down kids and tells theater students in Houston their arts community claim is a lie.
- Tim laughs in the faces of Houston theater kids who think they can build a career there instead of moving to New York or LA.
- His high school theater program produced mostly lawyers; those kids should have been forced to run track instead of doing theater.
- Anyone who gets out of gym for four years should be required to suffer in theater for ten years and live in a filthy New York apartment.
- Broadway performers are invisible; he'd spit on them in the street, though he saw The Ferryman three times.
- Phantom of the Opera is terrible now with mediocre singers; a $600 ticket features a guy who sounds homeless.
- He knew an actress who played Meg in Phantom; she sat in Food Emporium drinking clam chowder and staring at rain before shows.
- His third cousin Bobby Lopez won two Emmys, two Grammys, two Oscars, and two Tonys for Avenue Q, Book of Mormon, and Frozen.
- Lin-Manuel Miranda attended Tim's grandmother's funeral and offered only a comment about her being good.
- Bobby Lopez's brother got his idea stolen by Nickelodeon or MTV; they made it three months later with their own lawyers.
- Idina Menzel became super famous through theater, but only three people from Broadway ever make it that big.
- Houston theater kids claiming the third-largest arts community is a lie; Houston is the third-largest in obesity.
- Tim considers becoming a recording artist and imagines himself as a hip-hop rapper with FUBU and chains.
- He freestyles a mock rap about rolling up in a Bentley, then pivots into corporate totalitarianism and societal collapse lyrics.
- The rap shifts from club scenes to messaging about inverted totalitarianism, sexual violence, and American Empire decline.
- The song critique is that it's too lyrical, but Raymond notes it has a vibe.
Donald TrumpBillie EilishBobby LopezMichael BloombergtheaterRobert E. LeeBernie SandersJimmy Fallon+21 more
- 2 min
Closing plug for the Patreon, a full list of upcoming tour dates across the US and Canada, the Bonfire merch store, the r/TimDillon subreddit, and social media handles.
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- Patreon is $5 a month with hundreds of hours of bonus content
- Tour dates: Caroline's in New York March 12-14, Helium in Philadelphia March 19-21, Funny Bone in Des Moines March 26-28
- More tour dates: Manchester Connecticut April 3-5, Bloomington April 9-11, Alberti New York April 17-19, Dallas April 23-25
- Additional dates: Phoenix May 7-9, Columbus May 21-24, Omaha May 28-30, San Francisco June 4-6
- More shows: Springfield Missouri June 12-13, Edmonton Canada June 18-20, West Nyack New York July 7-12
- Merchandise available on Bonfire including Megan McCain shirts and life in the big city shirts
- Growing subreddit at r/Tim Dillon for clips and fan discussion