rant · moment 6 of 26
Put It On the Ham: The Boston Market Meltdown Story
from #188 - Best of Patreon Vol. 1 | The Tim Dillon Show · #188
4 min
Tim tells a long childhood story about sneaking a third side (cinnamon apples) at Boston Market by saying 'put it on the ham,' escalating into a screaming meltdown after a hard day of dance class, which became his pre-show ritual phrase.
- Tim explains how quitting drinking changed his relationship with dessert, forcing him to retrain himself to enjoy sweets.
- Growing up with boomer parents meant convenience food was everywhere—Pizza Hut and fast food on the way home.
- McDonald's was one of his earliest memories as a kid, with the play place and fun characters keeping him coming back.
- Boston Market was another childhood staple he loved, along with Kentucky Fried Chicken.
- He figured out how to game the two-sides system by sneaking a third side—cinnamon apples—by saying 'put it on the ham' to move it off the ham and onto his plate.
- A new employee who barely spoke English didn't understand the trick, so Tim started screaming at her about putting it on the ham after a grueling dance class.
- Two African guys carving chicken in the back started chanting 'put it on the ham' while Tim screamed and cried, confusing the manager.
- The middle-aged white manager with glasses came over, explained the system, and let him have the cinnamon apples for free anyway.