rant · moment 23 of 26
If He'd Gone to College: The Cool Drama Teacher Fantasy
from #188 - Best of Patreon Vol. 1 | The Tim Dillon Show · #188
4 min
Tim imagines an alternate life as a good-looking swimmer turned beloved liberal-arts drama teacher, then pivots into mocking theater kids he met volunteering in Houston who bragged about the city's arts scene.
- Tim's college fantasy: he'd have been a swimmer, good-looking, not funny, gotten a drama teacher job in a liberal arts town, and finally succeeded in making people think he's cool.
- Cutting down kids is one of Tim's favorite things—he loves looking at them and telling them they're frauds, though some babies push back with profanity, which he respects.
- Tim mocked Houston theater kids for claiming the city has the third-largest arts community, then told them not to pretend they'd have a career there in theater.
- A theater group on his tour bus complained that a girl who moved to New York thinks she's better than everyone; Tim agreed she absolutely is.
- Tim's high school theater program at Holy Trinity produced a lot of lawyers—all of them full of shit and deserving of something more useful than drama training.
- Theater kids should have been forced to do what Tim did instead: run around a track being chased by a fire-breathing lesbian while looking at penises and pretending not to.
- His proposal: anyone who gets out of gym class for four years should be required to do theater for ten years and ruin their life living in a dirty New York apartment with no hot water.