Episode 181 · The Ben Avery Era
181- Low Cost, High Quality | The Tim Dillon Show
Jan 5, 2020 · 1:25:58 · 249,000 views · 17 segments, 139 moments indexed
Live from the car on the way to Manhattan Beach and back, Tim recaps his Christmas fiasco with his family, James Charles saying the n word, the fetishization of mental illness, the "new" information on Epstein, and Tim's Jewelry line he's…
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- 1 min
Timmy the Trashcan Cold Open
#A jingle-style bit voiced as "Timmy the Trashcan," a mascot begging people to throw their trash in him instead of on the floor, before the show formally starts.
1moment
- Tim introduces himself as Timmy the Trashcan
- 2 min
James Charles and the Billion-Dollar Beauty Industry
#Tim discusses seeing "James Charles is over parties" trending while boarding a flight, and riffs on how makeup gurus and beauty influencers have become multi-millionaires despite most people looking terrible in real life.
6moments
- YouTube community is a disgusting coupling of words.
- Tim saw James Charles trending while boarding a plane with no Wi-Fi, downloading Netflix content.
- Tim doesn't understand when beauty consulting became a billion-dollar industry that makes people tens of millions.
- He enjoys the capitalist ritual of going to glossy department stores and getting people to spray cologne in his face.
- Between plastic surgery and makeup, everyone now looks like a character from Babes in Toyland.
- Nobody has their original face anymore; everyone is made up like characters from March of the Wooden Soldiers.
- 3 min
Top 10 Lists, Movies of the Decade, and Facebook Ranking Psychos
#He goes on a tangent about people who obsessively post "top 10 movies of the decade" lists on Facebook, mocking the mental illness of needing validation from 386 Facebook friends.
6moments
- Tim discusses James Charles facing cancel attempts and sexual predator accusations without clear evidence.
- Tim argues that YouTube culture—people watching unboxing videos—represents a real societal problem worth examining.
- Comparing viral unboxing and chalk-crumbling videos to generational musical taste misses a deeper psychosis in the culture.
- Tim attacks people ranking top 10 movies of the decade on Facebook as mentally ill and deserving of cages.
- Making year-end top 10 lists signals psychological illness—posting for 386 Facebook friends desperate for any interaction.
- Tim mocks the fantasy that someone will congratulate you on a list, tell you you're sharp, and remember your opinions favorably.
James CharlesContrapoints
- 4 min
James Charles, Rap Culture, and the N-Word Cancellation
#Returning to James Charles, Tim discusses the near-cancellation over singing along to the n-word in a rap song, riffing on Kendrick Lamar's concert incident, the "rat" culture of online tattletales, and what he sees as the eroded spirit of hip-hop.
10moments
- James Charles isn't a sexual predator; wanting to hook up with straight guys is just something gay guys do.
- Tim on the actual cancellation: Charles sang the n-word along with a rap song on Instagram story and got canceled for it.
- Online tattletales scouring Instagram stories to catch people singing along with rap songs contradicts the entire spirit of hip-hop.
- When Kendrick Lamar brought a fan on stage who sang the n-word, he used it as a teachable moment instead of a cancellation.
- Tim clarifies his stance: he doesn't think white people should use the n-word, but the threshold for cancellation has become absurdly low.
- The spirit of rap is about respecting toughness and loyalty from people who came from difficult environments, not tattletale behavior.
- Accidentally singing along with the n-word in a song shouldn't be grounds for cancellation in the current culture.
- Yannis made a point that white people seek out rap because it's cool and represents an experience different from their boring suburban existence.
- Being a rat and informing on people isn't supposed to be cool, as even rappers like Tekashi 6ix9ine acknowledge.
- James Charles made twelve million dollars painting his face and Tim has no real opinion about him either way.
Kendrick LamarJames Charlesrap and hip-hopYanis popConger points
- 3 min
Disgust for British Hipsters on Airplanes
#Tim launches into a bit about unattractive British people, specifically a certain breed of man-bun-wearing British hipster with an emaciated girlfriend, whom he encountered on a flight and wants "canceled."
6moments
- Tim sat next to a British guy on a plane and was disgusted by the encounter.
- The specific target: British hipster men with man buns, striped shirts, and leather boots whose fathers are lords.
- Tim describes their food consumption and general grossness, contrasting their diet with curry.
- Their emaciated girlfriends who look malnourished because British food is repulsive.
- The man-bun guy uses climate activism as cover despite being essentially a predator with a Greta Thunberg profile picture.
- The acoustic guitar guy at parties—the ultimate embodiment of the type who makes everyone want to kill themselves.
Russell BrandGreta Thunberg
- 4 min
Exit Row Elitism and Cheap Christmas Gifts from His Parents
#He rants about people in airplane exit rows acting like they're in business class, then pivots to complaining that his boomer parents gave him a bag of DayQuil and Ricola as a Christmas present after previously buying him an expensive dinner.
8moments
- British guy with an accent thinks he's charming just because he speaks differently, needs to shower and stop dressing like a circus clown.
- Exit row passengers who paid an extra $79 think they're elite, acting like they're in business class when they're really nothing.
- Exit row attitude people lord their power and prestige over everyone despite just being in a slightly nicer seat on the same plane.
- Tim lists his grievances with 2024 culture, including imported British hipsters who should stay in London.
- His boomer parents gave him a leather bag filled with Dayquil and Ricola mints for Christmas, claiming it's for travel.
- Last year Tim spent money taking his parents to Le Bernardin, a nice restaurant, and they gave him a check worth less than what he spent.
- His parents found an old leather bag they weren't using and filled it with things like antibacterial hand wipes and cold medicine.
- Tim's Christmas present is equivalent to what a Red Cross shelter would give to someone at the lowest point of their life.
British hipstersLe Bernardin
- 4 min
Christmas Party Chaos and Family Screaming Matches
#Tim describes his stepmother's family Christmas party, the comfort of being around near-strangers, flipping the script on an older relative's PC-culture complaint, and sets up a story about a chaotic family group text.
9moments
- Tim's Christmas party at his stepmother's sister's house lasted two and a half hours—the optimal length for a family gathering.
- The sister-in-law made shrimp scampi and calamari, and Tim appreciated not knowing these people because strangers keep conversations polite and superficial.
- An older guy asked Tim how he's handling PC culture, and Tim considered flipping it back by pointing out people get upset if you talk about certain sexual acts.
- Tim received a text from his cousin about another family gathering that melted down, which he wants to read.
- Irish families work well when kids are young and people still have hope, but Tim's family is in the final stage where alcoholism and failed lives have destroyed that hope.
- Nobody in Tim's generation got married, he's the most successful one despite being a gay clown, and the younger kids might do better than he did.
- Tim's father and his siblings now hate each other and every family party descends into screaming matches and gasps.
- Tim stopped attending his family parties because watching them descend into screaming got boring after so many times.
- Family gatherings where everyone just hates each other serve no purpose and should be abandoned entirely.
- 9 min
Reading His Aunt's Unhinged Christmas Group Texts
#He reads aloud a lengthy, absurd group text from his aunt about chores, dishwasher logistics, wine rules, and his grandmother's blood pressure, treating it as pure comedy before revealing his family's history of Irish-family blowout fights.
14moments
- Tim's cousin texted him about family drama, prompting him to read his aunt's pre-Christmas instructions to the family.
- Tim jokes about having lawyers on retainer to handle people criticizing him for sharing private family communications.
- Tim says capitalizing on his mentally ill family members' behavior is entertaining because they're genuinely sick, not Instagram-sick.
- Mental illness has become a brand in America, enabled by comedians who lean into anxiety and depression as identity markers.
- Tim's mother is actually schizophrenic in a mental institution—real mental illness, not the performative kind most people fake online.
- Most depression stems from people making bad decisions and being coddled into thinking they should follow impossible dreams instead of getting regular jobs.
- Tim criticizes wealthy people pretending to be artists when their family has power; they should be poisoning ambassadors, not doing improv.
- Nothing is sadder than watching rich people fail at being comedians, even when they're decent at it—it's still disappointing.
- Tim's aunt's Christmas group text begins innocently with "Merry Christmas," then escalates into increasingly unhinged instructions and demands.
- The text lists detailed expectations: guests must watch for empty plates, use napkins, rinse the good China, and help clear tables after dinner.
- Tim notes the text promises a "fun and relaxing holiday" while imposing military-level logistics and warning guests to bring their own wine.
- The aunt closes by mentioning she's monitoring her own blood pressure medication changes and warning adults about the situation so they don't get nervous.
- The entire text was sent to Tim's family as a group message, culminating in warnings about the mother's new medications and blood pressure.
- Tim repeats that the full unhinged text was sent to the entire family, setting up the absurdity of these instructions being broadcast to everyone.
MulaneyGary Vaynerchukmental illness as a brandJohn D Rockefeller
- 4 min
The Christmas Eve Blowout Fight Text and Cutting Off Toxic Family
#He reads a second, shorter text describing an actual mid-holiday blowout fight over dishes, then reflects on why he's distanced himself from family drama and encourages listeners to stop feeling obligated to toxic relatives.
11moments
- Tim receives a text two hours into Christmas describing a blowout fight between family members over dishes that escalates into something bigger.
- Family arguments always start with dishes but spiral into something crazy, and they now go off the rails within an hour instead of being fun until 3pm.
- Tim separates himself from family chaos and checks in on it from afar through texts rather than engaging directly.
- Tim doesn't have a huge relationship with younger cousins, but could potentially collaborate if they get TikTok followings.
- Many people have told Tim this year they're cutting off toxic family and friends, deciding they don't need those relationships.
- After a while, obligatory family gatherings just make everyone's life worse by subjecting them all to the dysfunction.
- Being born into a family or having been friends with someone doesn't mean you're indebted to spend every meaningful moment of your life with them.
- Tim thinks the Christmas chaos is the breaking point for his family, especially for his grandmother, and people have genuinely had enough.
- A woman heckled Tim at a Fort Worth show screaming like a lunatic, and when confronted her boyfriend said she has brain damage.
- The new excuse for bad behavior is claiming brain damage or a neurological disorder so people don't have to account for their actions.
- Tim responds to the brain damage excuse by saying the girlfriend's brain is working fine; she's just a lunatic and a problem.
- 3 min
Joe DeRosa's Interrobang Joke and Being Called Everything Online
#Tim recounts Joe DeRosa calling him a gay Republican on a podcast, and shrugs off the various political labels and insults people throw at him online.
8moments
- Tim thanks Joe DeRosa for calming a Republican with a joke about the interrobang, calling him a great comedian and friend.
- Joe predicted in 2020 that Tim Dillon would make it as a gay Republican, similar to how Dave Chappelle had succeeded.
- Tim says he genuinely doesn't care what anyone calls him — people can use whatever labels they want and it means nothing to him.
- He had lunch with Steven Paddock at Manhattan Beach, describing him as a close friend and patriot he's grown to respect.
- Mainstream media finally caught up to what everyone already knew: Ghislaine Maxwell and Jeffrey Epstein were working for an intelligence service.
- Anyone with a Wi-Fi connection and minimal attention knew about this scandal long before mainstream coverage; it was obvious to everyone paying attention.
- The Franklin scandal and King chorus boys home in Ireland exposed how demonic people in royal families committed horrible things to kids and used the information for blackmail.
- Tim discusses Lord Mountbatten and other royal family members involved in crimes against children that were documented and used as leverage for extended blackmail operations.
Joe DeRosaGhislaine MaxwellJeffrey EpsteinDave ChappelleLord MountbattenStephen Paddock
- 9 min
Ghislaine Maxwell, Epstein, and the Death of Conspiracy Theories
#A long riff on Ghislaine Maxwell's disappearance and possible intelligence connections, comparisons to OJ Simpson's "If I Did It," the Stephen Paddock Las Vegas shooting, and the Boston Marathon bombing, arguing that in 2020 nothing is really hidden anymore, it's just ignored.
10moments
- Tim on Ghislaine Maxwell still being alive and how it doesn't help anybody—they'd prefer she was dead given what she knows.
- Allegations that Glenn Dubin and other billionaires connected to Epstein threatened Swedish teenagers brought to the country.
- Comparison to the Boston Marathon bombing: authorities didn't want the surviving brother to live and shot into the boat to kill him.
- The famous photo of Maxwell holding a book titled "The Secret Lives of Intelligence Operatives"—her version of O.J. Simpson's "If I Did It."
- Maxwell's role as Epstein's handler introducing him to wealthy people for blackmail, and potentially connecting him to Mossad through her father Robert Maxwell.
- Tim predicts that in a few years Epstein will be revealed as a mentally deficient fall guy who had no idea what was happening on his island.
- Getting sent a book by a Sandusky truther—Tim knew his career was heading in the right direction then.
- There are no conspiracies anymore; it's all out in front of you and you can choose to believe it or not.
- Nobody believes the Steven Paddock shooting story: no motive, no social media, girlfriend deletes Facebook and flies to Philippines, guy orders for two people but stayed alone.
- Boston Marathon bombers—FBI claimed not to know who they were, then admitted they did know them, then the feds killed their friend in a hotel room during questioning.
Ghislaine MaxwellStephen PaddockJeffrey EpsteinBoston Marathon bombingO.J. SimpsonJerry SanduskyRobert MaxwellGlenn do Ben
- 9 min
Kathy Griffin's Twitter Wedding and Andy Cohen's Cultural Damage
#Tim discusses Kathy Griffin's publicized Twitter wedding and feud with Andy Cohen and Anderson Cooper, arguing Bravo's trash reality TV culture helped enable Trump's rise more than anyone gives it credit for.
11moments
- Tim's joke about having brain damage as a conversational trump card: if you're mad at him, his brain is malfunctioning.
- You have to laugh at things or you'll go crazy; protecting friends and family while pursuing justice is the balance.
- Tim worries they'll rehabilitate Ghislaine Maxwell's image in a few years, the way they've already started on Epstein.
- Kathy Griffin got married on Twitter with Lily Tomlin officiating—she has zero interest in private time.
- Andy Cohen and Anderson Cooper abandoned Kathy Griffin after the Trump head photo, but they're corporate figures who film people's breakdowns on Real Housewives.
- Tim argues Andy Cohen and Bravo are as responsible for Trump's rise as anyone—they legitimized trainwreck reality and fake drama.
- Watching the kids on those shows while their parents destroy themselves on camera is probably not good for them.
- People got mad at Andy Cohen saying fuck on CNN at midnight, but the President made period jokes about Megyn Kelly on live debate.
- New Year's programming should be a three-minute experience: turn on before the ball, turn off right after.
- Most parents sit their kids in front of a TV to check in twice, and by eighteen it's done—giving kids an iPad to play while depressed is the modern version.
- Tim's hot take on therapy is about to come.
Andy CohenKathy GriffinDonald TrumpAnderson CooperMegyn KellyLily TomlinPost Malone
- 12 min
Why 75% of Therapy Is Garbage
#Tim delivers an extended take that most therapy is useless, that people should compartmentalize pain instead of endlessly processing it, and that many therapists are unqualified people cashing in on a culture obsessed with self-care.
9moments
- Tim's premise: 75% of all therapy is useless garbage designed to make you endlessly excavate your past instead of compartmentalizing it.
- Compartmentalize your trauma into a lockbox like Al Gore's Social Security proposal, then open it only when appropriate—at bars, in cars, during sad songs.
- Most therapists are useless people; Tim's friend Michelle, a three-times-divorced couples therapist, exemplifies the con.
- A few therapists are genuinely good and some people truly need help, but many have college degrees and no direction, so they charge to listen.
- Society has convinced everyone they must get to the bottom of everything and make peace with everyone, which is why therapists make millions of dollars.
- Some of the most successful people never make peace with their trauma; their unresolved anger actually drives their achievement.
- Most people in therapy have lived nice, enviable lives; meanwhile, people who genuinely got destroyed can't afford it.
- You don't have to talk about your problems because you don't have to think about them—just lock them away and retrieve them when needed.
- Most therapy is really people wanting to stay in the horrible relationship or wrong job while somehow being happy, asking therapists for coping mechanisms instead of making different choices.
- 4 min
Forgetting as Real Therapy and the Podcasting Money Boom
#He closes out the therapy topic by praising the value of simply forgetting problems, then shifts to marveling at how much money successful podcasters (like the 'Girls Gotta Eat' hosts) make compared to local newscasters.
7moments
- Tim argues that forgetting is a form of therapy nobody credits, superior to endlessly analyzing the past.
- Podcasting success stories like the Girls Got Any podcast are outearning local news anchors who dismiss the medium.
- Tim imagines newscasters' faces going blank if podcasters revealed their actual monthly earnings on air.
- Local news anchors would rather get traffic to Epstein's Island than acknowledge podcasters' financial success.
- Tim pitches a sitcom concept: a fifteen-year-old TikTok entrepreneur forcing his Rust Belt family to do increasingly demeaning content for money.
- The proposed show explores social media as the only economic escape route for struggling families trapped in the Rust Belt.
- Tim references a failed Comedy Central show about a young YouTube kid whose business disciplines outperformed actual entrepreneurs.
podcastingGirls Got Any Podcastlocal newssocial media
- 1 min
Pitching a Sitcom About a Tik-Tok Family Breadwinner
#Tim describes an idea for a sitcom about a Rust Belt family surviving off a 15-year-old TikTok star's earnings, comparing it to a similar failed Comedy Central show.
2moments
- Tim pitches owning Lifetime Television because it has a captive audience of women who fantasize about being beaten.
- He argues that Lifetime's demographic would embrace increasingly unhinged programming because they're invested in abuse narratives.
Lifetime Television
- 9 min
An extended, absurdist multi-level-marketing sales pitch bit for a fake jewelry business called "Dillon Jewels," including door-to-door sales scripts, a $7,800 Scottsdale Marriott seminar, and jokes about ripping off gullible fans.
13moments
- Tim pitches a jewelry line with a 12-point plan to sell door-to-door, emphasizing multiple revenue streams and guidance from a proven sales team.
- People threatened by the scheme will call it a Ponzi scheme or multi-level marketing, but Tim frames it as clearly different because people are scared of success.
- Tim demonstrates the door-to-door pitch: dress like a jeweler, knock, and lead with the opening line about low-cost, highly made jewelry.
- The goal is to get people "in a plan on a plan in a plan," recruiting friends and family into the jewelry sales structure.
- Tim claims he personally buys stones in the diamond district, cuts them himself, and supervises production to deliver low-cost jewelry to customers.
- They originally wanted to call it "Run the Jewels" but got sued, so the rebranded name is Dillon Jewels instead.
- Tim's door-to-door technique: ask prospects if 2020 will be their year, and regardless of their answer, redirect them to selling Dillon Jewels jewelry.
- When pitching, immediately clarify that multi-level marketing is different than a Ponzi scheme to preempt skepticism.
- A four-day seminar at the Scottsdale Marriott costs $7,800 and includes breakfast and non-stop training on jewelry sales and creating opportunities.
- Tim acknowledges the scheme's predatory nature, noting that some people are "so stupid" that he's doing himself a disservice by not ripping them off more aggressively like Gary Vee does.
- Salespeople can set up kiosks at Applebee's and other locations until managers threaten to fire them for hawking turquoise necklaces at the bar.
- The hardest part of the pitch is saying "low cost, high quality" instead of accidentally reversing it to "high cost, low quality," which undermines the entire sales pitch.
- Tim recommends practicing the phrase in a mirror and having your wife get aggressive in your face to ensure you nail the "low cost, high quality" tagline.
- 5 min
Continuing the jewelry bit, Tim role-plays a sample sales conversation with his producer Ben at a fictional Panera Bread lunch, pitching the low-cost high-quality jewelry seminar before signing off.
8moments
- Tim pitches a jewelry business model solving high costs and low quality by selling high-quality jewelry at low cost.
- The sales strategy involves Tupperware-style home parties where single women can buy their own jewelry instead of waiting for someone to give it to them.
- Tim sets up a lunch scenario with Ben at Panera Bread to demonstrate the sales pitch in action.
- Ben refuses to role-play a natural conversation, so Tim switches roles and becomes the buyer instead.
- Tim demonstrates the proper sales approach: establish rapport first before mentioning the jewelry opportunity.
- Tim pitches the jewelry as a business opportunity, framing it as direct-to-market sales leveraging family and friend networks.
- Ben's character asks about a seminar and reveals he's willing to spend up to $10,000 to learn the business.
- Tim reveals the seminar costs $5,000 and is held at the Scottsdale Marriott, with Ben's character eager to book tickets immediately.
Scottsdale MarriottPanera Bread