Episode 100 · The GaS Digital / Ray Kump Era
I'm A Comedy
Jun 13, 2018 · 58:57 · 18 segments, 126 moments indexed
- 2 min
Musical intro and title card for a segment called 'Tim Dillon Is Going to Hell with Tim Dillon and Ray Kump.'
1moment
- 0:15Tim Dillon Is Going To Hell intro with Tim Dillon and Ray Kump
- 2 min
North Korea Peace Deal Riff and Flip-Flops
#Tim and Ray riff in character on the North Korea summit, mocking 'peace in our time' rhetoric and joking about North Korean flip-flop imports.
4moments
- 2:13Tim argues for celebrating the North Korea peace deal as a historic achievement without dwelling on concessions or past comparisons.
- 2:40He accuses his guest of approaching the meeting with an agenda instead of being genuinely open-minded about the diplomatic breakthrough.
- 3:09Tim pivots to celebrating North Korean flip-flop imports as a concrete benefit of normalized relations.
- 3:25Guest corrects Tim's claim about North Korean flip-flop manufacturing by pointing out the country is too rocky and craggy for that industry.
- 3 min
IHOP Becomes IHOb and the Steak Burgers
#Tim mocks IHOP's rebrand to IHOb for new 'steak burgers,' reminisces about eating there stoned, complains about the quality of the food, and wishes they sold bran muffins.
8moments
- 3:41Tim wanted to get an IHOB burger but they don't deliver through Grubhub.
- 3:53IHOP is changing their name to IHOb—the International House of Burgers—because they're adding four new steak burgers.
- 4:08Tim mocks the 'steak burger' branding as obvious and notes Angus burgers have existed at Burger King and McDonald's for years.
- 4:31The name change is temporary, similar to when Superman dies—just a marketing stunt for a couple of months.
- 4:49Tim recalls going to the IHOP in South Shore mall and ordering a French dip sandwich and roast beef instead of pancakes.
- 5:03The International House of Pancakes has a full menu including steak and eggs, country fried steak, and fried chicken.
- 5:16IHOP isn't that good—the pancakes are barely cooked with raw batter in the middle, and every dish is like scrambled raw eggs in a band-aid.
- 5:50IHOP's Facebook page went viral after they posted a status written as a gang member, which they later took down.
- 4 min
Fast Food Twitter Wars and Wendy's Monterey Ranch Chicken
#Discussion of the mysterious IHOP 'gang' Facebook status, then a long tangent about fast food brands trash-talking each other on Twitter, culminating in an old Wendy's Monterey Ranch Chicken commercial and jokes about Wendy Thomas.
9moments
- 6:31Tim questions whether a viral Facebook post from a restaurant account was actually real.
- 6:58He recalls getting stoned in the morning with a friend and going to IHOP for pumpkin pancakes.
- 7:30Tim complains that IHOP doesn't serve bran or cranberry walnut muffins in the morning, only pancakes and waffles.
- 7:47Bran muffins aren't unhealthy just because they contain some sugar—they have fiber and help digestion.
- 8:48Fast-food social media accounts now all run ironic, snarky personas, talking shit to everyone like Wendy's.
- 9:03Wendy's hasn't had a real hit in a decade; one viral tweet about free fries doesn't change that.
- 9:30The Monterey Ranch Chicken Sandwich from the late 90s was phenomenal—bacon in the ranch dressing.
- 9:48Tim's father asked if he'd done drugs besides pot while Tim was eating the Monterey Ranch sandwich in the car.
- 10:13Tim says he's never threatened a drive-through worker for forgetting bacon because it comes pre-made in the dressing.
Wendy's Monterey Ranch chicken sandwichWendy'sIHOPpumpkin pancakesbran muffinsNighthawk
- 7 min
The Netflix Special Photo Meltdown
#Tim rages about the promotional photo Netflix is using for his comedy special, describing his open-mouthed 'catching a fish' expression, comparing it to Jackie Gleason and Baloo, and threatening to tweet about it.
10moments
- 10:59Tim jokes that the real Wendy Thomas was a fat slob who would have held a knife to Dave Thomas's throat demanding he make the sandwich instead of giving it away.
- 11:38Fast food brands should go beyond playful Twitter feuds and get genuinely aggressive with each other, threatening violence and harm instead of corporate shade.
- 12:52Netflix sent Tim a promotional photo for his special that he describes as making him look dead and corpse-like, sparking a genuine meltdown.
- 13:49The photo's under-eye area looks like they cut skin off a white child's ass and attached it to his face.
- 14:27The final image captures Tim with his mouth agape like he's a bear catching a fish, or like he's sucking down a whole fish that was photoshopped out.
- 14:47If you're fat in the entertainment business, they want to make you into a big goofy buffoon like Jackie Gleason, not a hustler.
- 15:51Tim threatens to tweet that he loves Adolf Hitler and comedy if Netflix doesn't change the photo, and says they responded that they love Hitler too.
- 16:20The photo makes Tim look like a pig roast with an apple in his mouth instead of just closing his mouth or smiling for a normal picture.
- 16:47Tim is furious that the special is free on YouTube, giving away the content for free and eliminating incentive for people to subscribe.
- 17:00They should advertise the special in prisons since most of the people discussed on the show have evaded prison sentences.
NetflixWendy'sMcDonald'sTaylor LautnerJackie Gleason
- 5 min
Analyzing the Photo Angle and the Cheshire Cat
#Tim and Ray keep dissecting the bad Netflix photo angle and lighting, joke about hate-watching it, then veer into a riff on the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland doing a Wendy's impression.
11moments
- 17:17Tim says he looks like he's having a stroke in the photo.
- 17:45The mouth-agape expression makes him look like a bear catching salmon.
- 18:13The photographer's angle and lighting make it look like a mortuary shot.
- 18:42Tim argues that shooting straight-on makes fat people look fatter, though he disputes the conventional wisdom on profile shots.
- 19:33The complaint: shooting someone from below is amateur work; you shoot from above and use a stool if needed.
- 19:50Tim criticizes whoever at Netflix came up with the name "The Comedy Lineup" as incredibly stupid.
- 20:31Suggests Netflix should call it something aggressive instead, then riffs on the name "The Comedy Cuckold."
- 21:01Despite the special being great in the room, Tim's now worried about what Netflix's edits did to it after seeing this terrible photo.
- 21:27The Netflix photo department tried to make him look like Baloo from the Jungle Book—a goofy bear.
- 21:40Tim compares his expression in the photo to the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland.
- 22:00He argues the Cheshire Cat is overrated and prefers the Caterpillar from the same story.
NetflixThe Jungle BookAlice in Wonderland
- 2 min
Postmodernism and 'Comedy Lineup' Complaints
#Ray explains postmodernism, they mock the Netflix special being titled 'The Comedy Lineup,' and joke about renaming it something more aggressive like 'The Comedy Cuckold.'
5moments
- 22:15Tim defines postmodernism as the belief that no objective truth exists in the world.
- 22:40He demands to see a cat video and critiques the person's documentary editing credentials.
- 23:12Tim compares watching the cat to the experience of taking psychedelics without actually having done them.
- 23:37Imagining the cat dropping its Italian accent and yelling about bacon dressing and calling people fat fucks.
- 23:58Tim asks if they're bringing sounds to Hulu, leading into an announcement about a comedy lineup tomorrow.
postmodernism
- 3 min
Free Agency to Hulu and the Netflix Meeting Fish Bit
#Ray jokingly offers to be Tim's agent and pitches taking his 'talents to Hulu'; Tim riffs about bringing a fish to eat during a Netflix meeting out of frustration.
7moments
- 24:06Tim jokes about free agency to streaming networks, asking who comes out first and whether talents can switch to Hulu at the last minute.
- 24:36Bringing a fish to the meeting because he's hungry and plans to eat it during negotiations.
- 24:52Tim complains the marketing people made him look like a jolly dancing Russian circus bear in the promotional photo.
- 25:26The photo discussion intensifies as Tim examines it on screen, calling it weird and intriguing but ultimately not good.
- 26:18From ten feet away, Tim admits he actually likes the photo a little bit, finding it funny.
- 26:39Tim predicts the photo will make people on the subway want to attack him, describing it as the type of image that makes you want someone to die.
- 26:50Netflix will hear about this first, Tim suggests, wrapping up the pitch meeting chaos.
- 8 min
Birth of SJW Ray and the Amy Schumer Stage-Kicking Bit
#Tim and Ray develop the 'SJW Ray' bit, riffing on representation and intersectionality language, then pivot to a bit about Amy Schumer allegedly kicking a comic off stage at Carolines and fantasy scenarios of Ray bombing on stage waiting for her rescue.
10moments
- 26:52Tim describes himself as the Netflix comedy lineup heel, noting his promotional image looks like a fat loudmouth.
- 27:32Tim claims he's always had full confidence in Netflix and their decisions as an organization.
- 27:48The promotional image looks better bigger and would work well as a subway poster.
- 28:53Once you do anything in this business, you realize you have no control over your image or what people think of you.
- 30:16Tim invents the character SJW Ray, a social justice voice that should start every sentence with "Listen to me" and calls himself a disgrace to his race.
- 31:15The Netflix image works because it makes Tim look like an arrogant, self-righteous windbag, which triggers think pieces.
- 31:57Tim plans to release the image tomorrow with a caption: "Bloggers get ready for your think pieces."
- 32:41At a certain point you have to let the forces control the narrative instead of trying to manage it like Amy Schumer does.
- 33:20Amy Schumer kicked Brendan Schaub off stage at Carolines, treating him like an open mic performer despite being a funny guy.
- 34:06Tim jokes about messaging Amy asking her to put him on stage so she can kick him off, imagining tanking his set while waiting for her to arrive.
- 2 min
Fake Caller Bits and Chat Room Shoutouts
#They joke about doing prank calls on the show, read chat room comments including someone saying Ray needs his own podcast and someone saying 'Montreal sucks.'
4moments
- 34:48Tim introduces SJW Ray and pitches the character as a podcast concept.
- 35:13Tim and Ray attempt to do fake caller bits with a Colonel character, acknowledging they're going to be bad.
- 35:47Chat suggests Ray needs his own podcast and mentions Tim's upcoming Montreal show.
- 35:58A fan with username SADJALK from the chat is read aloud and acknowledged as the listener's fan base.
- 3 min
The Colonel Fan and Military History Obsession
#Tim and Ray riff extensively on a recurring fan character called 'the Colonel,' imagining his grilling, patriotism, hatred of Canada, and hypothetical grilling of Ray about military history and MacArthur losing China.
6moments
- 36:57The Colonel is a listener who loves the show, loves his country, and is imagined grilling burgers in a USA apron while listening to Whitney Houston's national anthem.
- 37:33Tim wouldn't walk by the Colonel's house in San Francisco because he's uncertain how the meeting would go.
- 37:58If you walk into a colonel's house, he'd shoot you—that's just what colonels do.
- 38:28Tim assumes the Colonel would notice immediately that Tim only owns one black shirt, making that his opening observation.
- 38:49After assessing Tim's wardrobe, the Colonel's second question would naturally pivot to discussing Prussia.
- 39:01Tim insists that MacArthur lost China and that he actually does have a gray shirt in addition to his black one.
the ColonelWhitney HoustonMontrealMacArthur
- 1 min
Netflix Photo Fight Continues and Arrested Development Reboot Complaint
#Tim gets an update that Netflix will fight for the photo, jokes about their attitude, then complains about reboots being bad, singling out the new Arrested Development.
4moments
- 39:21Tim argues the unflattering photo is worth it for the attention and views it will generate, even if people react negatively.
- 39:51Netflix got back to him about fighting for the photo, and they plan to release it tomorrow despite it not being good.
- 40:12Tim complains about Netflix putting Ozark on screen and criticizes the writing process of shows that film daily without proper scripts.
- 40:30He dismisses the new Arrested Development reboot as garbage and states he refuses to watch reboots of shows once they've ended.
- 3 min
The Stand Comedy Club Memories and Dancing Little Person from Twin Peaks
#Tim reminisces about performing at The Stand comedy club (hosting debates, the Montreal festival audition) and riffs on the dancing little person character from Twin Peaks.
9moments
- 41:08Tim's favorite part of Twin Peaks is the dancing little person.
- 41:24If the dancing little person performed that routine at a comedy show now, everyone would think it's the coolest thing.
- 41:39The Stand comedy club ended its run yesterday.
- 41:51Tim recalls working at The Stand starting around 2015 or 2016 as a roughly 90-seat room.
- 42:04They hosted a town hall debate at The Stand that became a memorable event.
- 42:17Tim performed in front of Comedy Central for the first time at The Stand after auditioning for Montreal Comedy Festival.
- 42:33The Stand's final show featured an impressive lineup of 60 comics including Big Jay, Ari, Lewis CK, Nick Mullen, Nikki Glaser, and others.
- 42:58Louis C.K. didn't come to the final show, though Tim suggests he might come back for European dates.
- 43:10Tim describes how the promoters at The Stand would book someone last-minute by just saying 'fuck you' and putting them up that day.
The StandMontreal Comedy FestivalTwin PeaksKevin SpaceyLouis C.K.Ari Shaffir
- 2 min
Kevin Spacey and Louis C.K. Comeback Fantasy Lineup
#A dark riff imagining Kevin Spacey and Louis C.K. making surprise comeback appearances at a comedy show alongside other disgraced figures, mixed with more SJW Ray character bits and a Ta-Nehisi Coates namecheck.
7moments
- 43:32Tim does a Kevin Spacey bit showing up with a teenager and making aggressive commentary on burgers.
- 43:54Getting the names right matters if you're going to be an SJW—references to Talib Kweli and Tana Haseco.
- 44:13Tim riffs on a comedy lineup that includes every conceivable identity category, from black people to dirty people.
- 44:41The absurdist list escalates to include Two Spirits, Three Spirits, Five Knappen Burger as identity markers.
- 44:54The whole thing's about not discussing race or politics—just cooking something at a barbecue and building a brand.
- 45:16Tim does another impression of a comedian nobody knows, asking about telling parents you wanted to be great digs.
- 45:35A comedian sick of people taking bad photos, sick of losing control of his image and chasing things.
Kevin SpaceyTalib Kweli
- 3 min
Wanting to Be a Hot Chick for a Weekend
#Tim riffs on wanting to be trans for a day just to trick straight guys into sleeping with him, debating with Ray about passing, makeup, and tricking a sex-addict friend.
9moments
- 45:56Tim says he'd like to be trans for a day so he could experience having a pussy and attract hot straight guys.
- 46:15He clarifies he wants to be a hot chick for a weekend specifically to sleep with hot straight men, not just to have a pussy.
- 46:31The solution: wear a short skirt, push up the tits, get a wig, do sit-ups, add fishnet stockings and heavy makeup.
- 46:55He considers tricking a sex-addict friend into thinking he's passed as a woman to test whether it would work.
- 47:05Tim prefaces his setup by noting most trans people don't trick people, acknowledging the audience is already offended.
- 47:51When asked why he doesn't just hit guys over the head, Tim suggests that's actually an option for straight guys.
- 48:04He argues SGW Ray is important for drawing boundaries and remapping the demographic for people who don't know him otherwise.
- 48:23Tim questions who's going to recruit buffoons watching football to get them to support transgender people.
- 48:43Tour announcement: Tim will be performing at Hilarities in Cleveland June 22-23.
- 4 min
Tim runs through upcoming tour dates including Rankfest, Mohegan Sun in Connecticut, and a gig at the Kennedy Center (not in the main room), with jokes about a similar comedian named Tom Goss.
8moments
- 48:58Rankfest July 14-15: Tim uncertain whether he wants to perform or just show up in the crowd.
- 49:18Tim could do a set, spoken word, or promote his new podcast if he attends Rankfest.
- 49:35Mohegan Sun in Connecticut July 5-7: Tim recommends bringing a date and enjoying the hotel, gambling, and food.
- 50:00Tim warns the audience not to distract him during his stage performance at the casino.
- 50:54Tom Goss from Mean Boys podcast: Tim describes him as funny and similar in style.
- 52:08Kennedy Center DC on July 12th: Tim performing but not in the main room.
- 52:22Kennedy Center near Saudi Embassy and the Smithsonian; Tim sarcastically compares his venue to the president's theater.
- 52:58Tim clarifies he's performing in the third or fourth room at Kennedy Center, not a closet but not ideal.
- 3 min
Continued rundown of tour dates including JFL Montreal with Janelle James, Vodafone Dublin (with a tangent on his Irish and German ancestry), Chicago, Lexington, Providence, and a prediction that his Hamptons show will get cancelled.
8moments
- 53:26Tim describes his pre-show routine in Montreal, eating at a place with great Benedicts and feeling less nervous now that people already know who he is.
- 53:44Dublin dates announced; Tim claims to be a quarter Irish and launches into family history involving a Wehrmacht soldier grandfather.
- 54:08His grandmother's maiden name was changed from Adolf Hitler around 2015, according to his mom.
- 54:22Tim's great-grandfather on his mom's side was hung by the British, possibly for being in the IRA or teaching Gaelic.
- 54:46Chicago tour dates announced for August 8 through the 11th.
- 55:11Tim argues that plugging multiple tour dates two months out doesn't dilute the pitch because people need time to plan trips.
- 55:48North Sea Tavern in Southampton show is booked for August 29th, but Tim predicts it will either be the worst show ever or get canceled.
- 56:04Tim explains that nobody wants to see comedy in the Hamptons at the end of summer when they could be getting drunk or going on boats instead.
ChicagoComedy Festival MontrealIrish peopleExpectationsBritish
- 3 min
Final plugs for TimDillonComedy.com and social media, pitching the 'Cooking with SJW Ray' podcast concept to Vice with jokes about transgender fetish comments, before signing off for the night.
6moments
- 56:28Tim plugs his comedy lineup coming soon on Netflix.
- 56:53Pitching a new show to Vice called 'Cooking with SJW Ray' about being open to people.
- 57:22Tim describes the show's logo concept: himself with a yellow background, a transgender person, and a Black man giving a thumbs up while cooking a soufflé.
- 57:52Most transgender people fuck before the media does, so using the term transgender isn't offensive.
- 58:20The show will be at Breakup.com soon, and Tim invites his guest to be part of it.
- 58:38Tim says goodbye with a Robert Frost reference.