Episode 57 · The GaS Digital / Ray Kump Era
Alt Ass Eating
Aug 13, 2017 · 1:15:43 · 16 segments, 140 moments indexed
- 1 min
Cold Open: Gas Digital Bumper and 'Unite the Right' Confusion
#Show open with the network bumper, followed by Tim and Ray joking about not knowing exactly where the Charlottesville 'Unite the Right' rally is happening or what state it's in.
2moments
- 0:10Tim introduces the show's premise: taking a hard critical look at society's chosen villains—billionaires, dictators, CEOs.
- 0:30The bumper jokes that the show is 'live from the Unite the Right rally in Charlottesville, North Carolina.'
- 4 min
Charlottesville, Tiki Torches, and the Suburban Nazis
#Tim and Ray riff on the Charlottesville rally footage, joking that modern alt-right marchers in khakis and golf shirts couldn't hold a candle to the actual Wehrmacht, plus a bit about Himmler friendship jokes and comparing the scene to American History X.
8moments
- 0:59Tim and guest realize they don't actually know which state Charlottesville is in, despite doing research.
- 1:30They're late to cover the Charlottesville rally because of a scheduling conflict, now flooded with images of the gathering.
- 2:04Tim notes 19 injured and one dead, feels obligated to make jokes about it anyway.
- 2:23Tim questions the alt-right's choice to hold torches, pointing out nothing good has ever come from people carrying them.
- 3:04The Nazis in khakis and golf shirts walking down American streets suggests someone living next door could flip at any moment.
- 3:30These suburban protesters wouldn't have thrived in actual Nazi Germany—they're just sloppy compared to the Wehrmacht's organization.
- 4:06Tim emphasizes the Nazis were terrible and organized; these are soft, suburban versions without that discipline.
- 4:32Tim admits he doesn't know what the end game is for this movement.
Nazi GermanyAmerican History XCharlottesvilleUniversity of VirginiaNorth Korea
- 3 min
North Korea, Kim Jong Un's Nuclear Poker, and Trump's Bluff
#They debate whether Trump's unpredictability could actually be useful leverage against North Korea, riff on Kim Jong Un always looking like he's having a party, and question whether the whole crisis is being hyped like a pre-Iraq war drumbeat.
8moments
- 4:47Trump could actually be good at dealing with North Korea, despite Tim not backing him overall.
- 4:59The uncertainty of what Trump will do—whether he'd nuke North Korea or New Jersey—might actually be an advantage in negotiations.
- 5:41Think tank analyses assume North Korea won't respond to U.S. aggression, but they're written without accounting for Trump's unpredictability scaring them.
- 6:04Trump might have been a president specifically suited for nuclear war bluffing.
- 6:28Kim Jong Un won't start a nuclear war because he has self-interest in keeping his regime alive, despite being psychotic.
- 6:54Photos show Kim Jong Un always smiling like he's having a party—planning nuclear wars is literally his lifestyle.
- 7:22Everyone accepts claims about North Korea having working nuclear weapons without questioning whether this is another pre-war propaganda push like Iraq and Afghanistan.
- 7:37Nobody's asking if someone actually wants a war with North Korea in the first place.
Donald TrumpKim Jong UnNorth KoreaCouncil on Foreign Relations
- 3 min
Hysteria, the Google Memo, and Growing Up With a Mentally Ill Mother
#Discussion of media hysteria and the Google diversity memo controversy transitions into Tim opening up about his mother's decades-long descent into mental illness and hoarding, sparked by cleaning out his late grandmother's house.
7moments
- 7:41Social media and information processing have made hysteria the rule rather than the exception.
- 7:55North Korea is a rogue nuclear state with a starving, programmed population living under a cultish regime.
- 8:35Even if you invade North Korea and liberate the people, what happens next—you're left with a bad situation.
- 8:51China doesn't want war with North Korea because it would produce a destabilizing flood of refugees.
- 9:18People claiming to be anti-war should stop panicking over scary headlines, because that panic and furor feeds directly into justifications for war.
- 9:54Trump talking about military options for Venezuela shows him gambling on war to be seen as a strong leader, like a Bush-style play.
- 10:35Trump has civil war-like factions in the country now, and while they're small relative to the population, the emotion they inspire means something dangerous is brewing.
North KoreaDonald TrumpVenezuelaChristopher Hidgens
- 8 min
Clearing Out the Hoarder Attic: Beanie Babies, Doll Heads, and a White Elephant Sale
#Tim describes in detail the surreal experience of emptying his mother's hoarder attic with his aunt Donna, including coffin-sized bins of Beanie Babies and McDonald's toys, two mysterious doll heads, worthless collectibles, and donating furniture to the church's white elephant sale.
11moments
- 10:58Both the alt-right and the political left in universities have engaged in an intellectual arms race toward less nuance and more violence over the past 20 years.
- 11:24When people refuse to have conversations or debates, violence becomes the inevitable next step.
- 11:46The Google memo controversy: the text itself wasn't hateful when read carefully, though the underlying science it cited may be misleading.
- 12:29Tim argues you should be able to ask nuanced questions without being destroyed, even if ultimately wrong.
- 13:22Hysteria now rules the day, with people retreating into ideological camps and refusing to engage with opposing views.
- 13:55Tim's mother's mental illness didn't happen overnight; it escalated gradually over decades from eccentric to dangerous.
- 14:33Tim's grandmother just died and they've started cleaning out her house, discovering the attic filled with 40 years of his mother's hoarding.
- 15:20The attic contains massive bins of Beanie Babies, McDonald's toys cataloged in plastic bags, Burger King toys, and Disney plushies.
- 16:53Tim's mother believed she would make a killing reselling all these collectibles, not realizing the market had collapsed and her demographic either died or ended up in institutions.
- 17:48They're also removing Christmas decorations from the 70s—expensive aluminum tinsel collected despite Tim's family always being broke.
- 18:23These Christmas decorations haven't been used in decades, raising the question of why they were kept at all.
alt-rightGoogleDavid BrooksNew York TimesUniversity of Virginia
- 6 min
The Psychology of Hoarding and the Plan to Lie to Mom
#Tim and Ray theorize about the emotional roots of hoarding disorder, Tim's own aversion to keeping possessions, and Tim's plan to have his aunt lie to his mother that the hoarded items were damaged rather than confront her directly.
10moments
- 18:40Tim explains hoarders keep things because of early childhood abandonment and loss, trying to preserve memories.
- 19:02He admits he's a disgusting slob who lives in filth but casually threw away his birth certificate and passport.
- 19:31Tim's aunt found two doll heads in boxes in the attic with no clear explanation of their origin.
- 20:18Tim's mother claims the French doll heads are worth five thousand dollars each without actually looking into it.
- 20:57Tim tells his aunt to lie to his mother and say the stuff got damaged to avoid endless complaints.
- 21:15His aunt has a milder version of the hoarding problem but still defends useless items like a dresser that's been in the attic for fifteen years.
- 22:03Tim explains the white elephant sale as a church garage sale in Island Park where parishioners donate items.
- 22:55Rich people never think about giving old things nice homes—they just throw things on the street.
- 23:49Tim's aunt plans to have his mother come pick out what she wants to save from the attic on Monday.
- 24:01Tim argues his mother shouldn't go back to the attic and suggests never telling her about the stuff.
Henry FrickSan GennaroIsland ParkHurricane SandyLittle Italy
- 11 min
The Doll Heads, the Carousels, and Grandpa's Bromine Poisoning Death
#More stories from the attic cleanout, including his mother's insistence a doll head is a valuable French antique, a running joke about combining two doll heads into one body, and a dark tangent into his grandfather's bromine poisoning, breakdown, electroshock therapy, and death, capped by riffing on the dark history of the Irish.
17moments
- 24:40Tim's mother insists a doll head from the 18th century is a valuable French antique
- 24:58Tim proposes attaching two doll heads to one body to double the price
- 25:12His aunt explains that poor people who finally got houses kept everything because they never had the chance to own things before
- 25:37Tim compares hoarding to other mental illnesses, arguing it becomes worse the more you indulge it
- 26:39Tim's mother would pick up garbage off the street—tables and chairs—claiming she'd refurbish or resell them
- 27:24Tim's aunt says nobody stopped his mother because there was little understanding of mental illness back then
- 28:43They found bills from 1978 stuffed in milk cartons while clearing out the house
- 29:14Tim's aunt treats the junk like an Antiques Roadshow episode while Tim wants everything burned
- 30:02They brought 20 to 30 boxes down, with 15 to 20 percent being Christmas ornaments
- 30:57Tim's aunt mentions they brought down three different carousels for his mother, prompting him to ask what she'll do with them in a psychiatric hospital
- 31:17Tim's plan to solve his family's hoarding: take them out to dinner and burn the house down while they're gone
- 31:45Tim reflects on the dark history of Irish people and their contributions to the world
- 32:14Tim's aunt tells him about his maternal grandfather, a genius with a 160 IQ who was a Christian brother teaching biology
- 32:57The grandfather took bromine or bromide and developed bromine poisoning
- 33:12After going insane, the grandfather kicked the TV and ran into a mental institution when a can of mushrooms exploded
- 33:27Doctors told the grandmother they had to do electric shock therapy or he'd never be normal again
- 33:51After the shock therapy, the grandfather flipped out again and had a heart attack
- 6 min
The Sprint Store Meltdown Over an iPhone 7
#Tim tells a long story about trying to buy a new iPhone 7 at a rundown Long Island Sprint store, where an overweight, desperate salesman fails for 40 minutes to fix an error code, ending with Tim walking out and the salesman despondently staring out the window.
9moments
- 36:07Tim walks into a Long Island Sprint store (converted Radio Shack) to buy a phone and the salesman gets excited about the sale.
- 37:05Salesman tells Tim he needs to pay $100 for the cracked screen and $120 down for a new iPhone 7.
- 37:23The transaction hits an error and salesman calls Sprint customer service support, only to get repeatedly hung up on by someone in another country.
- 38:39Tim argues the system is broken—he's sitting in the store ready to spend $400 but Sprint's support can't override the error.
- 39:17Salesman rolls his chair to the window and stares out in defeat, visibly processing his failure to close the sale.
- 39:42Tim tells the salesman he's heading back to the city and will probably buy the phone elsewhere, and the guy just nods.
- 40:09Tim tells the salesman Sprint needs a better system with override capacity instead of just calling support.
- 40:45Tim tells the sad salesman he would have bought the phone today if the system had worked.
- 41:13Tim reflects that he has Sprint because he had bad credit, calling himself a bad person, while the salesman sits despondent.
- 5 min
Sprint's 'Promise to Pay' and the Sadness of Retail Sales Jobs
#Tim and Ray riff on why Sprint is the carrier of drug dealers and human traffickers, Sprint's lenient 'promise to pay' system that enables Tim's bad credit lifestyle, and empathizing with the powerless retail salesman.
10moments
- 41:23Tim wouldn't mind being in jail compared to the powerlessness of being a cog in a retail sweaty wheel.
- 41:51Sprint store salesman sits all day waiting for someone to walk in next to Stuff and Bagel, but nobody does.
- 42:28Tim recalls a chubby Sprint salesman who related to him over pizza and seemed like a good dude.
- 42:58The salesman gets an error code when processing Tim's phone exchange because the serial number was never updated in the system.
- 43:30Tim keeps asking the salesman if he got disconnected from sales support, who won't help resolve the issue.
- 43:59Nobody at Sprint's management tried to stop Tim from leaving when he was about to make a purchase.
- 44:36Sprint's unique "Promise to Pay" program lets customers call and ask to delay paying their bill for a week or two.
- 45:10Tim notes Sprint is so unreliable it's useless even for traffickers and drug dealers compared to T-Mobile.
- 45:49Tim walked into the Sprint store at seven with an hour before closing, where the salesman had already written off another day of being a loser.
- 46:04The salesman got Tim interested in buying a new phone, but couldn't make the sale happen after an hour of trying.
- 3 min
Plugging Vice's 'That Happened' and the Bobby Fischer 9/11 Pitch
#Tim plugs his new Vice/Go90 series 'That Happened' about obscure sports history, including an aired episode on two Yankee pitchers who swapped families, and a rejected pitch about chess champion Bobby Fischer celebrating 9/11 on Philippine radio.
7moments
- 46:35Tim's Vice show 'That Happened' is a weekly series of short-form videos about odd moments in sports history, premiering on Go 90 then moving to Facebook.
- 47:03The first episode was about two 1970s Yankee pitchers who swapped families, though a sports fan friend said the story was already well-known.
- 47:19Tim pitched Bobby Fischer calling into Philippine radio on 9/11 applauding the attacks as the next episode, but Vice rejected it.
- 48:00Tim grew up as a chess player and loved 'Searching for Bobby Fischer,' but the film omitted how Fischer actually spent decades in New York streets blaming Jews for everything and getting into legal trouble.
- 48:42On 9/11, Fischer called Philippine radio friends saying the U.S. finally had their teeth kicked in and ranting about Jews, audio Tim wanted to use.
- 48:59Vice said no to the Fischer pitch, telling Tim the story was too speculative—though they okayed other pieces about LeBron's mother.
- 49:09Tim pushes back on Vice's editorial restrictions, pointing out they won't let him use the Fischer audio despite greenlight-ing other risky content.
Bobby FischerSearching for Bobby FischerViceLeBron
- 3 min
Vivian Kubrick's 9/11 Conspiracy Theories
#Tim recounts being harassed on Twitter by Vivian Kubrick (Stanley Kubrick's daughter) pushing directed-energy-weapon and hologram-plane 9/11 conspiracy theories, and his failed attempt to book her on the show.
7moments
- 50:31Tim explains that Vivian Kubrick harassed him on Twitter about 9/11 being a directed energy weapon attack.
- 50:50He invited her on the show because her father is Stanley Kubrick, but she refused.
- 51:04Tim describes the competing 9/11 conspiracy theories—planes that weren't real, drone planes, or holograms.
- 51:31The Twin Towers were architecturally designed to collapse inward, a standard safety feature in skyscrapers.
- 51:50Kubrick accused him of defending the Gulf of Tonkin cover-up, a claim he never made.
- 52:05She refused the show appearance, claiming she'd only spoken to Alex Jones because he caught her by surprise.
- 52:28Stanley Kubrick would be ashamed of his daughter's untempered conspiracy mongering.
Vivian KubrickAlex JonesStanley KubrickTonya HardingPhiladelphia PenguinsDennis Kucinich
- 1 min
Trolling Vivian Kubrick and Taylor Swift
#A quick bit about starting a 'troll war' with Vivian Kubrick for attention, and a joking aside about trolling Taylor Swift amid her lawsuit news.
5moments
- 52:37Tim pitches trolling Vivian Kubrick to boost traffic and move units on the show.
- 53:01Tim suggests getting Vivian to say controversial things about 9/11 to ring the bell and boost numbers.
- 53:17Tim and his guest debate whether they've been slandering Vivian Kubrick and discuss starting a troll war on the show.
- 53:28They decide trolling Taylor Swift instead might be better for the show's engagement.
- 53:40Tim tells Taylor Swift she has their full support in her lawsuit while claiming everything she says is unprovable.
- 12 min
The Campaign to Get Tim to Eat Aaron Carter's Ass
#An extended bit fantasizing about Tim dating a Disney star, spiraling into a long riff about his childhood crush on a young, then-closeted Aaron Carter, culminating in a mock campaign (with GoFundMe) to get the now-bisexual, drug-troubled Aaron Carter to let Tim have sex with him.
18moments
- 54:26Tim imagines a Disney starlet explaining how she met him wandering in a parking garage without a car and found him talking about Kermit Roosevelt and the Shah of Iran attractive.
- 55:10Getting foot in the door means literally putting your foot in the door to prevent her from closing it, which Tim clarifies he's only into if consensual.
- 55:40Tim describes his fantasy of dating a non-famous Disney star who would brag about his energy drink and cigarette habit to the press.
- 56:18His signature black polyester blend sweat-wicking shirt is so distinctive she asked if it was Gucci, then discovered you can buy it from beekeeper trade magazines.
- 57:08Aaron Carter came out as bisexual, but it seemed negative because he was strung out and announced it right after getting a DUI.
- 57:43Tim recalls jerking off to Aaron Carter constantly when he was 15 and Carter was around the same age, which would have been the perfect match.
- 58:18Explaining the story about buying a dildo at 24 that was too big and hard, which his grandmother found in a box and he claimed was a gift for the secretary Doreen at work.
- 59:22Aaron Carter and Jesse McCartney were the guys on his mind as a younger person, though he can't remember if he imagined them ass fucking immediately or just fucking each other.
- 1:00:38Tim defends his love of Gilmore Girls, saying he enjoyed the wholesome feel of the little town and the ice cream shop walks, even though the show now seems problematic.
- 1:01:38Tim could probably get Aaron Carter now because he needs rides to rehab, putting them at roughly the same star level in a weird way.
- 1:02:04Tim says he would eat Aaron Carter's ass with reckless abandon and irresponsible fervor, prompting a campaign to convince Aaron to let him do it.
- 1:02:29Proposal to get the entire Tim Dillon Show fan base to convince Aaron Carter to let Tim fuck him, calling it low-impact compared to five minutes on North Korea.
- 1:02:51Creating a campaign like "Free Kevin" called "I Will Eat Aaron Carter's Ass" as an internet meme to make it happen.
- 1:03:04Discussion of starting a GoFundMe to raise $100,000 to give Aaron Carter to let Tim use his ass.
- 1:04:01Awkward age math: when Tim was 30, Aaron Carter was only 12 years old, though Tim insists it was when he was 15, not when Carter was 15.
- 1:04:59Tim's feelings for Aaron Carter weren't purely sexual—he was in love with him and had fantasies about them going to vineyards together.
- 1:05:45Tim pictures Aaron Carter in fall with a nice sweatshirt on, cuddly, and his co-host assures him they can actually make this fantasy happen.
- 1:06:01Tim's co-host says he really wants to make this happen and believes they can get Tim's mouth in Aaron Carter's ass.
Aaron CarterBrittany MurphyBritney SpearsKevin FederlineBackstreet BoysJesse McCartneyJonathan Taylor ThomasRory Gilmore
- 2 min
Demi Lovato Fantasy and Jerry Springer Final Thoughts
#The Aaron Carter bit morphs into a scatological fantasy about dating Demi Lovato, before Tim mock-transitions into a faux-serious 'final thought' segment parodying Jerry Springer.
7moments
- 1:06:23Tim pitches a double date with Demi Lovato, noting she was on drugs so might be interested
- 1:06:40Detailed fantasy scenario at Shake Shack involving increasingly specific sexual acts
- 1:07:03Tim argues there's an art to what he does—it starts with one thing but blossoms into something deeper
- 1:07:27He insists this isn't just about one aspect; he spoke in a room once and felt pigeonholed
- 1:07:40Aaron Carter claiming to be bisexual gets scrutinized—Tim suggests sucking a couple dicks doesn't make you bisexual
- 1:08:09Tim describes rolling up Jamie Kennedy style to help Aaron Carter demonstrate his sexuality to America
- 1:08:22When Tim's agent asks if the detailed Aaron Carter scenario is rape, he and the co-host debate whether it's coercion instead
Aaron CarterDemi LovatoJamie KennedyShake Shack
- 3 min
The American Dream Is Dead: White Men Need to Shut Up
#Tim delivers a rant arguing the American Dream died after WWII pensions made people soft, that white men complaining about being oppressed need to get over it, and jokes about opening Aaron Carter's asshole with a barbecue rib at a picnic as a bizarre callback.
6moments
- 1:08:51The American dream is the biggest lie—people think they pulled themselves up by bootstraps, but after World War II, America became a nation of slobs living off pensions and secure jobs.
- 1:09:11Tim argues the problem is that post-war Americans had it cushy with eight-hour jobs and retirement at 55, which was unsustainable.
- 1:09:48White men complaining about their lost cushy jobs need to stop blaming Black people, Mexicans, and Jews for their own failures.
- 1:10:08No one is oppressing white men—they have it fine and should shut up and get a job instead of whining.
- 1:10:39Women and minorities faced actual oppression over decades while white men just played golf, and now whining about a correction being sloppy is pathetic.
- 1:11:21Market corrections get messy, and if some white people get left out of the best stuff at the picnic in the grand scheme of things, that's acceptable.
- 4 min
Tim runs through his upcoming tour dates (Mohegan Sun, Wilmington, DC, Baltimore, Cleveland), plugs the Tim Dillon comedy bus tour, his Vice series, a joint show with Ray at The Stand, and closes with a joke about accidentally emailing his Google memo/scat comments to his whole company.
8moments
- 1:12:17Tim announces tour dates: August 17th-19th at Mohegan Sun in Connecticut, August 25th-26th at Dead Crow Comedy in Wilmington, North Carolina.
- 1:12:28September 15th-16th at DC Improv Lounge in Washington DC, October featuring Michelle Wolf at Hilarities in Cleveland, November headlining at Magoobies in Baltimore.
- 1:12:44Michelle Wolf is one of the best comics working today, and Tim says he's honored to perform with her.
- 1:13:13Only 60 seats per bus and tickets sell out very quickly.
- 1:13:37August 28th Monday at 10 p.m. Frantic at the Stand: free show where fans can meet both Tim and Ray, take pictures, and see them perform together.
- 1:13:58The Stand has great food; show up early for dinner and they'll talk to you after the performance.
- 1:14:32New series called That Happened on Facebook Vice Sports, weekly show with the last episode coming out last week.
- 1:14:46Live Tim Dillon's Going to Hell planned for October with a Halloween theme, possibly involving bobbing for ash, though a security dispute over the concept once got Tim fired.